cross-posted from: https://jlai.lu/post/6002282
He revealed the secrets !
Aren’t IT people just janitors that tell you to turn it off and back on again?
I've been an actual janitor and a sysadmin... they're not dissimilar. You clean up other people's shit for a living.
So do I but with exception of the unfortunate cp that calls for bleaching eyes (and security) one is more sanitary than the other…
It's mind bending that there are actual humans on the planet, paid a shit tonne more than software developers, who not only believe the parody highlighted by @SwiftOnSecutity, but treat and share it as gospel, acting on it with nutjob metrics to "increase productivity" whilst salivating over the hyperbole around "AI" that is sweeping the globe, dreaming of a better world.
One without those pesky developers with their brains, thoughts and opinions.
But, what do I know, I've been in this profession for only 40 years..
You're probably not the biggest asshole in the room. In my experience, the person making decisions (and the most money) is never the most qualified, most competent, most efficient, or hardest working individual. They are just the biggest asshole in the room. They're willing to be loud and belligerently wrong, they're willing to take credit for the accomplishments of others, they're willing to shift blame onto someone else, they're willing to demand everyone else work harder than they do, and they're willing to demand far more than their fair share of the profit.
And they will be mollified by the rest because nobody is a bigger asshole. Most people just want to do their jobs, and don't want to rock the boat. Competent people see opportunity to ride in the wake of the biggest asshole in the room.
If you ever watch Shark Tank, you'll see they are masters of the craft.
They are just the biggest asshole in the room.
So one day the different body parts were arguing over who should be in charge.
The eyes said they should be in charge, because they were the primary source of information about the world.
The stomach said it should be in charge because digestion was the source of energy.
The brain said it should be in charge because it was in charge of information processing and decision-making.
The rectum said nothing, just closed up shop.
Before long, the vision was blurry, the stomach was queasy, and the brain was foggy.
Assholes have been in charge ever since.
The problem is that most of us have swallowed the 'competence uber alles' ideal that school fed us through exams and scoring, when the game really is mostly politics (as in interpersonal relationships). So we are understandably disappointed when the incompetent get promoted through brown nosing or luck, when we should be reevaluating the rules of the game.
Wait till they find out what software 'architects' really do.
They do the same thing building architects do. They draw pretty pictures of the end product that may of may not be structurally sound, then rely on engineers to build it and make sure it doesn't collapse.
Wait, did you find out? Can you tell us?
Sorry, I don't have enough certifications to answer that question.
I always saw architects roles in modern development being the person trying to find synergies between different teams andcoordinateing them working with each other.
Like if some team makes a sick project for managing streams of data streams the architect should be promoting it for other teams to leverage.
I used to joke with my niece that my programming job was just me staring at screens and meetings all day. She didn't believe me until she got to shadow me one day and got super bored.
Wait until this guy finds out that Elon doesn't actually build the cars
Or contribute to society at all really
Seriously. If Elon shut down Tesla tomorrow all these engineers would be building electric cars at other companies.
im convinced most developers spend more time working on making shit work, rather than actually writing code and bugfixing it.
edit: this was mostly a shitpost, and i was expecting some flack, but i got basically none. Can we have a real moment here. Are you guys doing ok? Who made you do this to yourselves?
ok, real talk over, we're going back to suffering now.
Half the time it's trying to figure out where to apply the next piece of duct tape to keep the entire house of cards (and duct tape) from collapsing.
In times past they got shit done, and now we see that what they've done is shit and we're stuck maintaining it.
Yup. Thats just enterprise software for you. Something was made requiremnts changed, and then changed again and then ypu have duct tape on top of a duct tape with a duct tape holding those duct tapes and a touch of super glu here and there. Also ducttapes are microscopic in size but the sheer quantity of them is unimaginable.
This the dangerous kind of parody, I would rather help people with excel programs than another access program and that's a pain in the ass.
I draw the line at CSV ingestion.
Turns out the people in IT don't actually make the computers either. Who'd have thought?
The only problem you can't solve with Access is too much Access.
The IT people! The DEV team’s worst nemesis! They must be stopped before we are destroyed!
Reboots your server
Changes your credentials
Eats your pasta
As an aside, I recall the early days when @SwiftOnSecurity was purposely ambiguous about the distinction between the artist Taylor Swift and their technology tweets. It was delicious to see confused responses.
At some point it changed. Not sure what triggered that. I have a vague memory of a stroke, but I might be misremembering.
Hey dude stop it spreading it okay?
Ok bud, yeah right, Delete that. Delete that RIGHT NOW.
The scary thing is some people actually believe this, and NIH syndrome is unfortunately all too real lol
We've been spending decades curating our perception by management in order to make sure we all have jobs. He's gonna ruin the whole industry if we don't shut him the hell up
Is Microsoft Access what they call Microsoft Excel nowadays?
No its microsofts database GUI program that's part of Microsoft Office . imagine software made for users who have a vague understanding of SQL and visual basic but then an exec. forced the designers and devs to make it accessible to everyone while giving them barely any teamembers causing a fuckton of technical debt and unintuitive quirks , making anyone who opens the software feel like they have just been placed in a highly equipped tank , in front of a wall of unlabeled levers and told to drive the tank , or at least that's how I view it.
(reposting from another account sorry if you see both comments)
No its another program, I've seen people make weird stuff with it like ticketing systems and notes apps. I've never seen it be a robust program though
No Microsoft Access is/was a GUI software actually meant to have databases instead of how everyone uses Excel/spreadsheets as databases. It is a part of the office suite. It works pretty much like traditional databases but has an easier to access GUI for non programmers I guess. I don't think it's used a ton nowadays except for legacy processes that haven't been updated.
Ok, the jig is up. We are exposed. Better pack our bags and get out while we can.
If your seriously into Access you might be a SQL dev...
I prefer my databases in Excel. /s
As a programmer, I concur. I sit on my arse all day pushing keys , anybody can do that.
The biggest thing he got wrong is the assumption that it's good programmers writing libraries.
I agree with the last point tbh
At the bare minimum, if you aren't capable of contributing to the library you use, then you don't deserve to use it.
I disagree, if you aren't capable of contributing to a library you should be required to use it rather than roll your own solution.
Welcome to Programmer Humor!
This is a place where you can post jokes, memes, humor, etc. related to programming!
For sharing awful code theres also Programming Horror.