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Selfhosted
A place to share alternatives to popular online services that can be self-hosted without giving up privacy or locking you into a service you don't control.
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I would probably use ntfy.sh for this purpose. It doesn’t quite meet all your requirements, but you could use a random channel name and get some amount of security…
You can self host it, or use the hosted version. (I know it’s technically not chat, but it works on a series of messages, it just happens to call them notifications.)