My kiddo is just a toddler, but in our VHCOL area, at this age the only thing that really matters is childcare expenses. If we had family/grandparents taking care of them, the additional cost would be pretty minimal, in the scheme of things.

The max contribution to dependent FSA (tax free account for daycare) is a joke, less than 2mo of care.

The material things we've needed probably amount to less than one month of daycare expenses (diapers notwithstanding).

Saving for college, on the other hand...