Yeah, I’m defective for having experienced your “preferences” in other men resulting in men being really scary to me upon being rejected, and wanting to explain to you that men making sweeping claims about attraction to trans women can put trans women in danger when reality doesn’t match up so neatly.

You have never experience, "my preferences" because we have never met. You're lumping me in with the men that you've had bad experiences with which is unfair. I am very much a friend to the LGBTQ+ community. I am perfectly comfortable to say, "I'm flattered but I'm not interested" and I have done so more than once. For me, that's the end of it. No drama. Given the very diverse community I run in (I wrote in another comment that, "my wife is bisexual, my sister is bisexual, my daughter is a lesbian, my son and daughter both have non-binary and trans friends who I regularly spend time with, I have gay friends and lesbian friends, I was a member of the wedding party at a same sex wedding, I am friends with a local transmasc, and I’ve had a pair of transfem friends for more than 50 years.") I find it very useful to be able to say, "Here is who I am and here is who I'm interested in." The people around me seem to appreciate that rather than resent it. Why would you want to pursue someone who said that they weren't interested in you? I don't try to talk lesbians into be interested in me, that would be the height of arrogance on my part.

Plus all the connection to stigma culture that reinforces transphobia but that is less acute.

I am not transphobic. Labelling anyone who doesn't agree with your world view as transphobic really devalues anything else you have to say. I like redheads. I like big butts. I like small boobs. That doesn't mean that I'm brunettephobic or blondephobic or small bottom or big boob phobic.