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this post was submitted on 11 Jul 2024
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No Stupid Questions
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My wife and I picked out her ring together. She has to wear it all the time. I think she should have say in the matter. Ask your partner to help you pick one out.
This, it ruins the surprise a bit but also ensures you'll hear a "yes"
Edit: also I went with a brilliant earth fake diamond ring, but you could save $ and go for moissanite
You can always also get a cheaper sentimental ring and go out ring shopping together for the official one.
That way you keep the surprise and she gets the ring she wants, plus another ring and a nice memory.
IMO, an agreement to get married should be a mutual discussion, not a surprise. My wife and I also decided to get married by having a discussion and then went ring shopping together. We went with a blue topaz. Super pretty and didn't break the bank.
Yeah, but a lot of people come to the agreement that they'll get married without an official proposal date getting set.
True, but you can meet in the middle re: this kind of thing with the ring. Having established that it's going to happen at some point, take a trip to a jewelers 'for fun'. Pay attention to what she goes 'oooh' over - style, stone, cut, etc. Write this information down to search separately.
It's a bit of a stereotype I suppose, but trust that your future wife knows what she's doing on that visit (particularly if y'all don't browse jewelry together frequently - it's kind of an anvil of a hint). This way there's still an element of surprise, but you're not just picking something random in hopes it pleases.
Same. We made it a date and went downtown to a pawn shop to pick out rings. It's honestly a great way to find fun rings at not-horrendous prices
Shouldn't the proposal be a surprise? I was thinking the ring as well?
Hi! The proposal itself should be a surprise, but the fact you are proposing should not. You and your partner should discuss marriage and be on the same page on what you want from the relationship before you take that step.
The proposal can still be a surprise, just think of a way to do it where going ring shopping together is the big surprise, rather than the ring itself (if they have a good sense of humour, maybe use a gummy ring or a mood ring, something really silly as a stand in, otherwise maybe a ring shaped "coupon"? Or some other symbolic token that would hold meaning to just the two of you?).
[not OP] I thought about a ring pop. I ended up making a paper ring and quoting Taylor Swift. "I like shiny things but I'd marry you with paper rings". A normal durable ring followed, but she got to pick it out. As stated above, shevs the one wearing it all the time.
That's a perfect example of what I meant, it's cute and personal to your relationship, and leaves the other person room to choose something they're comfortable with.
Personally I think the ring should be the least important part of a proposal (though I say this as someone who is not interested in getting one, and who also hates wearing rings lol)..
The fact that the proposal is coming should not be a surprise. Neither should the look and style of the ring. Just shop for it together.
The actual moment of the proposal, if well researched and planned, can be a fun surprise (if your proposee enjoys that kind of surprise. And there's no need to get fancy. Just ask. Not for permission to propose, but for permission to make it a surprise.)
But even that shouldn't be too much of a surprise.
Also, make sure it's a "dress your best" kind of date, so your proposee will feel good about that way they look.
Depends on the individual, some want it as a surprise, some aren't as concerned about the surprise.
Whenever I see questions like this, I know there are going to be a lot of answers about how bad this or that jewelry is, or how traditional rings are evil or a waste of money, or whatever. Luckily I don’t see any anti-marriage replies yet. In any case it’s a good idea to not preemptively use logic and morals to override what your future wife will want and feel.
But this is the right answer. I think if you’re going to get married, it’s good to be at a point in your relationship where you’re talking about these things and you can just choose ring together, or at least discuss if she wants you to be the one who selects it, or if she doesn’t want diamonds, or how much to spend, and whatever else. You should be as confident in choosing a ring you know she’ll like as you are in marrying the person. The best way to do that is to communicate and do it together.
This is the way.