When dating, "Just be confident" is just bad advice if you ask me. (lemm.ee)

submitted 6 months ago by throwawaysalami@lemm.ee to c/casualconversation@lemm.ee

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"Being confident" is dangerously close to straight up bothering people. Plus it only really works if you're good looking.

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[-] BearOfaTime@lemm.ee 8 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago)

Of you're bothering someone it's not because you're confident, it's because you're socially inept.

I say this as someone who was very socially inept for a long time, and today I'd say I'm just not as socially "ept" as some people I admire or as I'd like to be.

Socially "ept" people are first interested in others, not in their own ideas or goals first. Or at least they're damn good at focusing on the needs of others first. I've worked for some people who are incredible at this. Some actually care about other people, others are good at giving people what they need, to get what they want, yet you still walk away feeling good. (That's a very interesting experience).

(Is "ept" a word? I haven't looked up the etymology of "inept" yet).

[-] shuzuko@midwest.social 5 points 6 months ago

I don't believe "ept" is a word, the antonym of "inept" is "adept".

[-] i_ben_fine@lemmy.one 6 points 6 months ago

I like ept. It reminds me of whelmed.

[-] shuzuko@midwest.social 3 points 6 months ago

Hey, I gave up being a language prescriptivist; use it if it makes sense to you! Ain't no one got time to quibble about that shit if what you say makes sense anyway.

I can see it being the midground - inept is bad, adept is good, "ept" is just... "well I guess they don't suck at it", lol