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Systemd wants to expand to include a sudo replacement (outpost.fosspost.org)
submitted 9 months ago by starman@programming.dev to c/linux@lemmy.ml
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[-] NateNate60@lemmy.world 175 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

SystemD will consume the entirety of Linux, bit by bit.

  • In 2032, SystemD announces they're going to be introducing a new way to manage software on Linux
  • In 2035, SystemD will announce they're making a display system to replace the ageing Wayland
  • In 2038, the SystemD team announces they're making their own desktop environment
  • In 2039 SystemD's codebase has grown to sixteen times its size in the 2020s. SystemD's announces they're going to release replacements for most other packages and ship their own vanilla distro.
  • In 2045 SystemD's distro has become the standard Linux distribution. Most other distros have quietly faded away.
  • In 2047, SystemD announces they're going to incorporate most of GNU into SystemD. Outrage ensues from the Free Software Foundation, which vehemently opposes this move.
  • In 2048, Richard Stallman dies of a heart attack after attempting to clone SystemD's git repo. SystemD engages in a hostile takeover and all resistance within the FSF crumbles
  • In 2050, SystemD buys the struggling RedHat from IBM for $61 million.
  • In 2053, most world governments have been pressured into using SystemD.
  • In 2054, Linus Torvalds, fearing for his life, begins negotiations to merge kernel development into SystemD
  • In 2056, the final message on the Linux kernel development mailing list is sent.
  • In 2058, Torvalds dies under suspicious circumstances after his brand-new laptop battery explodes.
  • In 2060, SystemD agents assassinate the CEO of Microsoft.
  • In 2063, after immense pressure from SystemD-controlled human rights organisations, Arch developers discontinue development.
  • In 2064, the remaining living Debian developers release the next stable version of their clandestine and highly illegal distro.
[-] taladar@sh.itjust.works 35 points 9 months ago

I think you might want to recheck the ages of some of the people in your timeline, most of them aren't that young anymore.

[-] NateNate60@lemmy.world 4 points 9 months ago

Yes, because it's easier to take care of octogenarians than people who might actually put up a fight to having their laptop batteries replaced with a pipe bomb.

[-] 0x0@programming.dev 19 points 9 months ago

Debian already uses systemd.

[-] TrickDacy@lemmy.world 14 points 9 months ago

Probably the weirdest joke comment I've ever read.

[-] Certainity45@lemmy.ml 11 points 9 months ago

This is a script of Simpsons episode and Torvalds will actually die in 2058.

[-] NekkoDroid@programming.dev 11 points 9 months ago

One way to notice a person has "systemd derangement syndrome" is by looking at how they write systemd: if they write it SystemD they are already in late stages of SDS and it isn't curable anymore.

[-] Vincent@feddit.nl 4 points 9 months ago

Either that, or it's a joke.

[-] lemmyreader@lemmy.ml 11 points 9 months ago

Thanks for that write up. Made my day! 😄

[-] BaroqueInMind@lemmy.one 3 points 9 months ago

That comment was brought to you by an AI LLM. No one actually took the time to write that.

[-] yoevli@lemmy.world 9 points 9 months ago

Nope, doesn't have any of the hallmarks of an LLM and LLMs aren't yet clever enough to produce original humor like that.

[-] duviobaz 4 points 9 months ago

Dude if you made a movie or novel about this that would be awesome

this post was submitted on 30 Apr 2024
334 points (100.0% liked)

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Linux is a family of open source Unix-like operating systems based on the Linux kernel, an operating system kernel first released on September 17, 1991 by Linus Torvalds. Linux is typically packaged in a Linux distribution (or distro for short).

Distributions include the Linux kernel and supporting system software and libraries, many of which are provided by the GNU Project. Many Linux distributions use the word "Linux" in their name, but the Free Software Foundation uses the name GNU/Linux to emphasize the importance of GNU software, causing some controversy.

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