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New gender gap
(lemmy.ml)
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this post was submitted on 27 Jan 2024
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Until there's a liberal space for men, it's going to cause them to flock to lying conservatives. There, they will be indoctrinated by weird, stupid conservative bullshit that has nothing to do with any of this.
The left is the only place that is safe to open up as a man.
The right is only safe if you fit a very specific definition of manliness, one that is unrealistic. However that illusion sends millions of the gullible and impressionable chasing after an unobtainable standard.
On the far-right you'll get punched if you like making caramel and baking cakes. The close right just calls you a slur instead.
There are few things more alienating to the wide range of male expression than the right wing.
I grew up as a conservative and was never accepted. Opening up, being emotionally vulnerable, expressing "feminine" (ie non traditional) interests: every time it lost me any sort of male friendship. I was excluded, mocked and called homophobic slurs.
I'm a cisgender straight white man but because I was a square peg to their traditional round hole I was an outcast.
The right is the cause of male depression and loneliness. It enforces the gender norms that make men feel they have to be a rock, provide for family, die for their country, shut up about their feelings.
The only safe place for men to open up is on the left.
Gangs are inclusive and welcoming even if they haze you and commit crimes. People who feel left out gravitate toward unconventional solutions to conventional problems.
There isn’t? Millions of liberal men can man just fine every day just out in public.
What are you missing?
So you don’t think there are any issues with how men are treated on the left?
As progressive as the left can be, men have been left behind and are still often expected to ‘just be a man’, while dealing with double standards and sometimes being treated like they’re inherently bad.
Edit: Copying what vzq has said to me for visibility, as this is the exact problem. Do I sound like the angry toddler in this discussion?
No, I honestly do not. I do my level best to treat everyone as a person and when I mess up I apologize and try and do better. That works pretty well.
If you are treated like you are inherently bad, you may be not as good as you think you are.
Edit: nice edit man. Totally not what an angry toddler would do.
Thanks for proving their point lol
You just flipped blame on the individual without even attempting to understand anything about them.
I know what they type. They are responsible for that at least, aren’t they?
Thanks for proving my point, what have I said that’s bad?
I want to be treated fairly and based on how I act, and yet I don’t get that.
You’ve tried to tell me that I do act like that, despite the fact you have absolutely nothing to back that up… The exact problem.
You are being treated based on how act. You act like a spoiled toddler that thinks he’s owed some consideration by strangers.
Okay, you’re obviously just looking for an argument at this point.
I’m not your enemy, I just ask that you reflect on what I’ve said. You don’t have to, but being open minded and showing compassion are supposedly the cornerstone of the left.
Holy shit you are so toxic.
Again, just disregarding how men feel, where does that get us?
I absolutely do not act in the way that men are accused of, but blanket statements about “MeN BaD” are so frequent and widely accepted, and it’s just ignored or even praised.
Ah, blame the victim. Men get treated a certain way so it must be their fault...
There’s no victim here. Just a guy with “feelings”.
Ahh, its you. You're the problem.
I believe these issues exist in some places in the world like the usa.
Personally as a cis man i dont experience these issues at all. I am more radical left leaning then my sisters.
The right just appear like some intolerant macho cult. They are the last people i would feel safe.
It has to be set though I recognize many fellow men do exhibit this weird macho psychology as well as laziness and illusion that they somehow know me or what i want. I never consider that to have political grounds.
If i have a choice to interact with either sex i am Biased to chose the women because i feel like there actually perceive and speak to me as individual rather then pretending i am their best friend cardboard cutout.
In my experience women are more honest as sales people and more helpfull as a frontdesk clerk. This is bias and exceptions exist. I myself am an exceptions. Statistical perception though…
I haven't heard another guy talk about other dudes assuming you are just like them/same politics etc, but its something I've experienced a lot. I often have to break the news I'm not a safe space for whatever bs they are spewing.
That is true, absolutely. And one must not diminish the situation of women under the patriarchy by any means.
Unfortunately, the patriarchy damages all of us in different ways. That does not contradict feminism but, in my estimation, completes the view of the patriarchy, it's effects, and how we perpetuate it generation after generation. I think if we wish to be anti-sexist and pro-feminist and ever hope to abolish the patriarchy, we must understand it as fully as possible.
If you care to explore the topic further, "The Will to Change" by Bell Hooks might be worth a read.
What is a liberal space for men? That means nothing.
Liberal, as in, believing in liberty. Freedom. How many mens spaces do you know of, where a man is completely free to open up, with full liberty and freedom from immediate consequences, about feelings they may have inside of them?
There's actually not a lot. It's a reflection of masculine indoctrination, where men in many places are made to feel like they almost need to be ready to become a soldier at any moment. Guarded, careful. It's no good, unless your country is actually at war.
Are you implying liberal spaces deal with more toxic masculinity? Because that's sounds more like conservative spaces to me. In my experience men are much more welcome to be vulnerable and talk about their feelings in liberal spaces. If you can't find liberal spaces "where a man is completely free to open up, with full liberty and freedom from immediate consequences" I can't help but wonder if perhaps you and your options are the intolerant ones. Tolerance can not support intolerance and liberal spaces can and should reject intolerance.
That has nothing to do with spaces. It's toxic masculinity. And you combat that by being the change you want to see.
Even if there was a space like that, toxic masculinity would ruin it if it wasn't addressed. But you might just be looking for group therapy.
Men will blame anything else for their problems before ever admitting that toxic masculinity might be the cause of their problems
So, spaces that encourage toxic masculinity do exist, and they are fully aware of their ruination. See: 4chan.org.
edit: I see some of the confusion here, since 4chan is seemingly liberal, due to having no formal rules. However, that is an illusion. A man is not actually free to say anything they like without consequences there. It's just that the norms will be enforced by the community, instead of any kind of authority. This is not actual liberty and freedom, simply indoctrination cloaked in an illusion of freedom.
Real freedom would allow a man to express something like sympathy, or being against gamergate, and express that opinion in peace. The reality of such spaces does not actually permit this.
It seems liberal and free, but in effect it is not. This is similar to how Trump seems to be strong sometimes, but in reality is weak and cowardly. Toxic masculinity loves its illusions.
Lol.
Only place I feel that way is at a gay bar. But I'm gay and live in Texas. I don't think I'm the reason for the spike.
Lemmy is pretty good, for the most part. Depends which community of course, decentralized and only loosely controlled and all.
sounds more like what would happen at a conservative place to me.
Liberal narratives paint men as aggressive rapists at worst, and toxic manipulative sociopath at best. Liberal narratives onstantly evoke "tHe pATriArcHy" and "tOxic mAsCuLinity" hiding misandry behind pseudointellectualism
'Toxic masculinity' is referring specifically to masculinity that is toxic. It's not referring to masculinity as a whole as toxic.
Pushes in glasses "uuum ackshually that's not what it means"
Yeah no shit, tell that to the people on social media where the majority of popular discord takes place. And pretending that the meaning of the two isn't obfuscated is disingenuous. At the end of the day it's all antipositivists theory garbage that reads more like a political treatise than academic study.
Exactly. Feminist terminology like "toxic masculinity" and "patriarchy" has been very carefully chosen to be misandrist enough to result in the intended widespread popular demonization of men that we've seen over the past few decades, while also giving feminists enough deniability to gaslight with "that's not what the terms ackchually mean though".
The misandry is a feature, not a bug.
Brosif, calling a discussion of the patriarchy misandry makes it clear you don't know what the patriarchy even is. It hurts everyone.
Brosef, the term "patriarchy" itself is (and has always been) intentionally misleading and inherently misandrist, and has played a huge role in the modern demonization of men as a result. The "academic definition" of the term is irrelevant, as the (fully intended) real world negative consequences of the term for men in the cultural zeitgeist have been systemic and pervasive, as we can see all over this thread.
No
This is the pseudointellectualism I'm talking about. "You don't actually understand what it ACTUALLY means" while the meanings are clearly obfuscated for the layperson.
I mean, they/we also could create these spaces for us, much in the same way women did (and many other groups). And of course it's easier to fall for reactionary groups when liberal groups are less visible, but it's still a decision to follow their bullshit.
Shoutout to !mensliberation@lemmy.ca (and similar spaces)
As soon as men try to organize and speak out we get called sexist. If men wanted to start a men only club like women are allowed they would be forced to let women in. Just look at the boy scouts (ignoring the pedophiles) they were forced to allow girls but the girl scouts don't have to allow boys. Males can't have anything male only.
That's simply not true. We have at least one counselling centre in our city that is "boys/young men only" and several "men only" self help groups. I've never heard them being called sexist, on the contrary people generally agree that this is a good thing and we need more of this. And they are certainly not forced to include other genders.
There are obviously not enough initiatives like these. But a blanket statement like yours is false and if you make the claim that men are regularly getting called out as sexist for forming liberal safe spaces you should provide some sources (I'm not denying that it happens, it's just not something I've experienced).
The goal of boy scouts wasn't to provide a safe space to explore gender identity or emotions or anything like that. There was no reason to exclude other genders.
Is that the goal of girl scouts, though?
The issue is that these spaces are often prime trolling grounds, and you end up having the same discussions over and over until the honest posters move on and only trolls are left.
Which is why the heavily moderated menslib sub on Reddit was so great, because they didn't put up with that BS.
We had these spaces, they were accused of sexism, and forced to open up to everyone, where the female spaces stayed all female. Boyscouts and Girlscouts comes to mind as an example.
Counterpoint - men need to be less hung up on gender.
There's plenty of liberal spaces for people even if not exclusively for men.
As a guy, I don't need a sign outside saying "Open for men" to know I can go into a store, just "Open" suffices.
While there are aspects of my life that are informed by my biology and its social construct, it's one of the least defining aspects of who I am as a person. I don't need it specially recognized.
I'd much rather live in a world where there's spaces for "people who like RPGs and fantasy" or "people who like tech" over "people who identify as male." I have a ton in common with the former two, irrespective of gender identities, and very little in common with the latter other than fairly superficial things.
"Hey, pee standing up? Me too! We have so much in common we should be friends. Oh, you want to meet up at the bar to watch the latest hockey game? Yeah, that sounds...fun..."
The very idea of a "liberal space for men" is antithetical to my sense of liberalism. We should be liberated from arbitrary notions of identity, not reinforced into them.