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[SERIOUS] Were any of you ever bullied?
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this post was submitted on 25 Jan 2024
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Hello, yes. All eleven years. Yelling, picking, fighting, name-calling, stealing, stalking - never understood why, until I was diagnosed with ASD not long ago. I guess I really was that different.
At one point in middle school I remember being so sick of one guy in particular, - he always kicked and pushed me during PE. Sometimes he would steal my things and throw them in the girls changing room to lock me there when I go to get them (I am a man). One time he pulled my pants down so the other guy could snap a photo of my bare behind on his phone. When I asked them to delete the photo, he punched me in the face.
I had a crush on a girl once. Came clean about it, we even went on a small date. This one time she waited for me after school with two girl friends - they pushed me to the ground, kicked me in my stomach, my back and between my legs, laughed at my pain and threw snow at my head. We were 10 at the time, and I was a lot smaller than the girls. I never told anyone, didnt want them to laugh at a boy who is being picked on by girls.
In middle school I got in a fight with one of my bullies during PE. He kicked me, I caught his foot with my hands and lifted it up - he fell on his wrist and broke it. The entire school started treating me like a plague. No one talked to me for several days, aside from the occasional "maniac" or "break my arm too, I wanna stay home".
There were several kids like me in our school. Teachers did nothing - for them I was a weird quiet kid, and quiet kid always get picked on. Parents did nothing, because nobody knew I'm autistic - they thought I'm just "lazy and weird".
I don't know what is there to learn besides "don't raise bullies".
My god I'm so sorry. I wish I could've been there for you. Especially the part about the girls is horrifying. Can you imagine what it must be like to be that small? They may well have leveled up to become Karens.
Do you want to say anything about ASD? I have a friend that might have it and it's challenging for me to communicate with her at times.
Do you think bullying might be due to incompetent parenting?
Thank you!
I was only recently diagnosed, and I am into my thirties now, which means I am a "high masking" individual. I am learning very slowly how to communicate what I actually feel and think, instead of saying what "would be appropriate to hear from someone who fits in". It can be very challenging.
I have family and friends now who are supportive, and they do a lot of things that help: we normalized non-verbal communication (texts, gestures, etc, - I have read about communication cards as well). Also, it is ok to be unable to say anything at all sometimes, especially during an intense moment.
Something I have noticed about myself which is also fairly typical (AFAIK) for people with ASD is that our attention and focus work differently than in most people. I seem to be unable to divide my attention up between things: I am either hyper-focused on something singular, or relaxed. So when I am focused, and something distracts me, it is distressing. Imagine someone you know suddenly startling you as you exit your home bathroom as a prank - getting pulled out of the focus feels sorta like that, minus the fear. When that happens, the frustration can be tough to control. If I suddenly snap at someone when they're trying to reach out - that is the reason most of the time.
I wish I could help you more - but I am only learning these things myself now. I used to really struggle with communication as a kid, and it turns out I just didn't have access to the support I needed.
When it comes to bullying, I think the most effective way to get rid of it is to start deliberately calling it out. This may be tougher than it sounds: sometimes we have to overcome a lot of bias and fear to call out a bully. Once I nail that, I'll think about a way to teach it to a kid.