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Noob question: How much RAM does my VPS need if...
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The heaviest things will probably be the postgres database(s) needed for nextcloud, vaultwarden, and lemmy. (not sure if invidious or matrix use dbs). I would say 500-1000MiB per DB, so probably around 4GiB to be safe.
Can't you have multiple services using the same database? My understanding is that they would each do different tables and if you give each a different database user that's not only good practice but also helps prevent them from stomping on eachother
You could, but it probably wouldn't help much. The overhead for each additional Postgres server is minimal, the RAM usage comes from each database. It doesn't really matter if those are on the same postgres instance or on separate ones, in my experience.