Are they not large format commercial printers that cost several thousand dollars (or vinyl cutters)?

What's wrong with grabbing $100, buying a brother laser printer, and using the change to buy a hammer to obliterate it in case it starts getting any ideas?

Do you realize a plotter is basically a large-format printer? And they don't usually go below $1000?

Or just buy a cheap laser printer, probably a brother, that doesn't have any of that bullshit.

Also AFAIK this is some HP program where you sign up for it as a service and they send you ink cartridges. It's as dystopian as you'd expect:

Sign up & pick a plan. Choose a plan based on how often you print, not how much ink you use. Plans start as low as $0.99/month. Every page costs the same, so you can print high resolution photos for the same price as black and color documents.

Your printer detects when you're low on ink or toner and automatically ships more when you need it.

Change or cancel your plan anytime with unused pages rolling over each month and extra pages cost just $1.