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My dude, please get some professional help. I am religious, so if you ask me, I would point there, but seriously, you are worth it and you are at least worth the memes you post. I bet that you could grow a bunch from a place of stability, and have a pretty rad life to look forward to
Here is some other advice:
ask chat-gpt for some exercises to help you get your brain where it should be and a timeline. Then execute. Rinse repeat
reduce social media (including Lemmy) a good "cold turkey" break would be a cruise or something.
obtain physically proximate friends via volunteering at a local food bank or similar nonprofit.
Well, it seems like you have a good BS detector. I would still go to chatgpt and ask for "what types of psychologist approaches are there to sadness". It will then respond with " behavioral, cognitive, etc") then I would ask what would a therapist for each approach say to a person who "is sad, and other characteristics and circumstances of yours". Then pick the ones that you haven't tried or you only did halvsies the first time you tried it.
Good luck!
Oh Stamets, your post made me so sad and then I saw your username and realised who you were and I just had to comment because you are literally my most favourite person on Lemmy.
The content you post on Risa is the sole reason I'm here. I love your trek memes and the awesome community they are generating over there. Please know you are making an impact.
I mainly lurk, but I feel like I know you just from reading your interactions and you are an amazing person. Please keep being you.
Thanks again. I will try to be more active on Risa, so will hopefully see you around! :)