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Yeah, it is completely different than what it used to be. There would definitely be times when a hivemind mentality would get borderline insane. The first subreddit I discovered was r/atheism. And it was nice seeing other people like me. But I remember asking honestly about a girl I was dating at the time being Lutheran and wondering if it could work. Some were supportive. But some people were vile. It was then I could see how nuts it would get.
The communities are so large it has almost gotten too big for its own good. It's made the people who run the site into total monsters. I started off lurking the site about 14 years ago. And the finally made an account 3 years after. 11 years down the drain, I remember recommending the site to people all the way back then. Especially when I started discovering a lot of the meme subreddits that I would share with friends.
Yeah. You will always get hivemind on insular'ish communities though. Lemmy is probably already just as bad in that regard.
I see your Lutheran+/r/atheism example and raise you dating a capitalist on Lemmy.
I see what you mean. Admittedly, I'm not even 24 hours on here or Lemmy or Tildes. I'm just searching and hoping one sticks.
You might also check out https://kbin.social
FWIW, some friends and I are running our own Lemmy instance, but we're not completely sold on it either yet. And just software-wise, some pretty important things are missing. There's actually no way to see, besides going into the database and querying it directly, a list of users on your own instance, for example.
And of course community-wise, Lemmy.ml (the most popular instance, run by lemmy devs) has some questionable moderation. It's probably better to read about that on another instance, since discussion of censorious moderation is itself subject to censorious moderation.
I made an account on kbin but it isn't vibing yet. So far, both this and lemmy.ml as well as Tildes have been the ones to step so far in this early period of trying new things out.