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Daily Thread: TGIFriday 23 June 2023 Edition
(aussie.zone)
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this post was submitted on 22 Jun 2023
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I’ve realised a random thing about myself: I hate when people make “observations” about me and tell me. People do it a lot about my style. I guess I like to look nice, but have a fairly simple style and a clear colour palette because I don’t like to buy lots of clothes, so people often say things like, “You really like to wear X colours don’t you?”
It’s the kind of comment that isn’t a compliment so maybe I’m just defensive but it feels like a judgement or I’m being asked to explain myself and it sets me on edge. I don’t know how to respond either.
They are probably just trying to bond and show they’ve noticed but my whole life I’ve attracted unwanted attention and commentary on my appearance so it’s annoying to me. Do other people have their appearance and clothes commented on a lot? Is that just something people do? It never occurs to me to say such a thing to someone else unless I’m giving a compliment or being like, “Ooh is that a new jacket?”
freakiest thing is when some woman down my regular bar started copying my hair and make up
and then she started to comment on my accent and enunciation 😬
Nooo I’ve also had a copy cat! She even went to my hairdresser and asked for the same hair and my hairdresser refused hahaha.
hugs, it's sooo creepy
Hmm. I dont really get what the diff is between you asking if thats a new jacket and soneone asking if you like particular colours?
I suppose for me it’s that mine is a question (and I’d probably tack on a compliment such as “I like it!”) whereas people just tend to make statements and I’m just like “… yes” haha. I think it’s just my autism showing on this issue LOL 🙈
Haha fair enough
I used to work in a design oriented industry and yes it was very common to comment on / receive comments on the appearance (clothing, hair, glasses, shoes etc). My last job was full of engineers and a lot of male, and nobody seems to care what you look like. My current job has a lot of female in the office and they do tend to notice more and do make comments on what each other’s wearing.
I usually just say thanks and compliment on something they wear/ have and then move on. It’s almost like “morning, how are you?” Type of small talk.
Same, i mean i dont work in design but its standard to make small talk so outfits is one subject to make small talk about ___
My brain struggles so much with small talk this is probably what it is! I will have to come up with some standard responses 🥲
That makes a lot of sense! I don’t mind commentary and discussion on clothes I guess, it’s just the way some people say it. Sometimes it feels more judgemental and I’m sensitive to it. But a favourite tactic of my bullies at high school was to “compliment” or take a tone like they were “innocently commenting on” something about what I was wearing or how I looked but they meant it as an insult 🙄 I think I just have an over sensitive anxiety response to such things now. I’ll try to get more used to it!!
I think a lot of it depends on the delivery. Those sorts of comments can come across as judgemental and/or an attempt to put you into a box (which has high potential to then lead to comments if you ever do anything outside what they have decided is "your" style).
Sometimes it can also be hard to tell what is intended, until you have a pattern of similar comment from the same person.
Exactly - now that I’ve thought about it I do feel there’s a difference. Ie. I have friends who will make a comment and it doesn’t bother me as I know they’re not trying to categorise me.
But there’s a way some people go about it that just feels off to me. Like the much older man who was my tutor who decided to take on this weird paternal attitude toward me. His commentary on my clothes in front of everyone was not wanted lol.
yeah that's not a compliment. That's a backhander
See that’s what my gut says! Just a weird way to phrase it in my opinion.
Hmm, I don’t know. I pretty much wear the Melbourne uniform. Although the nice upside has been when friends/acquaintances point out something they’ve seen that they associate with my style. It’s nice sometimes, especially if I feel I’ve been really lazy and haven’t made much effort lately.
But I totally hear you. Unwanted comments are not fun.
Yeah, since socially transitioning people comment on my appearance a lot more. It's one of joys I'm finding of living female but for me it's pretty new and I'm still clunky at putting together outfits. I don't have a big wardrobe and I don't want one so I'm often in the same clothes. I also tend toward the same colours. I understand why you feel it's a bit of backhanded "compliment". Like they're thinking, they always wear the same clothes...
I'm guessing your palette isn't the usual black and beige?
How dare you call me out like this.
I sometimes wear grey too 🥺
Usual doesn't mean bad, I just like colourfull clothes. no offense intended
Haha don’t worry, lady. I am 1000% not being serious. My wardrobe is almost entirely black and beige/brown and I’ll own it. Because I look damn good in it.
Yes that’s a bit how it feels! Years ago I basically only wore black and white as I was very very poor and just stuck to those as it’s easier to make outfits. But when people would comment on it it’s like, no I’m not making a fashion statement I just have no money 😂
Now I incorporate richer colours which I suppose you don’t see as often.
Melbourne needs more colour in my opinion. Grey skies? Wear something red or orange and project warmth. Black puffer jacket? No! Red leather jacket. All the new hair colours we see these days do brighten things up somewhat though.
Agree! I refuse to own a black coat for this reason. Plus hot fashion tip for anyone out there: black just casts more shadows on your face, makes you look more tired and dull. Of course, only matters if you care but a coat in one of your best colours is much more fun 💃🏻
I usually get a white or ivory coat but gees they get filthy when you live in the cbd , got a dark blue coat this year
I would love to wear more white and creams, sooo chic. Was going to get one in my latest jacket purchase but in the end went with camel. There’s no way the cream one with city life plus baby would still look nice after the first 5 minutes. I try to go for dark but jewel tones!
I once had the most beautiful ivory long length down mk puffer, some dude tried to steal it at the bar!! I stopped him when he was half way out 🥺
It sure is and you can play with eyeshadow palette a lot more with less muted colours. I recently got the Abby Roberts Morphe palette from Mecca and I just love it, really striking colours and great quality makeup. I'm still pretty average at application, but practise is all I need there.
It might be worthwhile to get a one off consultation with a ( real ) make up artist , they can show you what colours look good on you, can show different styles and give help with technique. Miss Seagoon used to give consultations for trans people when she lived in Europe. I had no idea it was a thing until she told me. I reckon it's cool. Anything to help people live happier lives is a good thing.
I can get away with my skill set at the moment, it's getting better now I do it nearly every day but a makeup artist consult would be a great pampering and would teach me a lot I'm sure.
I just looked it up, those colours look sooo fun! It really is just practise, like painting or something. Your hand gets steadier and remembers what to do. Though I have been wearing make up for 15 years and still have moments like, idk wtf I’m doing 😂 Just hoping for the best some days!
I mean it's a running joke between a friend and I that she has too many black tshirts but 1) she started it and 2) I've seen her wear a black tshirt once in over a decade.