Another experienced adult here chiming in to say LISTEN TO THIS.

I’m going to go out on a limb and say you’re a man, and not a woman. This is a common response to a problem when a man faces or hears about a problem. I’m also going to guess you’re a young adult. Its a trait in young adults that (with the best intentions) they see distress and assume its not only their responsibility, but that its in their power, to fix someone else’s problem whether they asked for it or not. Keep in mind, nothing I’m saying here is negative criticism. I was the same way in both aspect when I was younger. Age has given me some wisdom, and I hope sharing some can help you.

I am female, but I suppose I'm a relatively young adult.

Please take this next part with nothing but love, but… GET OVER YOURSELF. You’re not god. You’re not omnipotent. You’re this tiny speck of existence that is doing just barely marginally better than the person you’re looking at that needs “to be fixed”. I say this so you understand that you should only drive yourself crazy on these if you think that you have the power to remove this burden. Full truth: YOU DON’T! So you’re not failing to remove these burdens from them, you’re a tiny insect in a hurricane. You’re just along for the ride, just like the rest of us. Make the best of what you can and what you are.

That's the problem though. I DON'T think it's in my power to fix anyone's problems. I don't just sit there trying to come up with solutions for people. But I just have people I care about that are in pain. And it kills me to see them in pain and know that there is absolutely nothing I can do.

The “be a friend” phrase, especially to young adults isn’t useful enough. I’d expand on it to mean:

reach out and check in on them, it lets them know another human cares about them support them in their situation or decisions unless they those things are actively self destructive to them if the self destructive things come, give the hard talk they need to hear be available. This means to talk, but 95% JUST TO LISTEN WITHOUT TRYING TO FIX IT Also, doing discredit their agency and efforts. They aren’t young children that can’t do anything for themselves or can’t improve their situation. Doing that belittles the power and effort they DO have they are bringing to bear against the burden in front of them. Don’t take that away from them. Support them, but don’t de-power them.

but there is only so far I am mentally and even physically able to go with that. I am very frustrated because I hear about what’s going on all the time and I am powerless to do anything to help.

Understand your mental and physical limits. The most useful phrase here is “Do not set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.” You have a finite capacity for helping others. Figure out what that is, and what you’re willing to give of yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally.

I do talk to them and try to be there for them, but there is only so much I seem to be mentally able to handle when it's never ending. But to be honest, I don't necessarily agree with the fire thing. I probably would sacrifice myself for these people. My life is objectively far less important or meaningful than the people I am referring to. I am more disposable than them if that makes sense.

Finally, and this is a REALLY REALLY hard thing to come to terms with:

Some people are beyond your help or worry. They are an infinitely deep back hole where spending on them, monetarily, mentally, physically, or emotionally is never ending, and sometimes even thankless. There is nothing you can do for these people and you must protect yourself by cutting these people out of your life. If you don’t they will drain you dry monetarily, mentally, physically, or emotionally. Many of them can’t help it, but that doesn’t change the fact that you can’t fix them.

One of my friends has recently tried to distance herself from the other for this reason, tbh. She doesn't seem to be able to handle it either and is trying to walk away instead of be there anymore. I don't want to walk away. I want to be there, but I don't know how to do it and not explode.

This is the first comment I've saved on Lemmy. Well said.