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Smart-homes: The future, or harmful?
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I've been using smarthome stuff for quite a while now, and my conclusion is this:
This is only true if you're controlling bulbs instead of switches. Virtually all of my lights are on z-wave switches that work almost exactly the same as regular switches, the only difference being that the switch paddle doesn't stick in an on or off position. Smart control is strictly in addition to the primary control.
Completely agreed on your other points, though. Absolutely no chance I'd use anything other that a local Home Assistant server that handles all processing locally.
I've installed an Aqara wall switch in a public room, and people are complaining that it doesn't feel as well as a regular light switch. It's really hard to get it right.
Yeah, unfortunately there's not much that can be done there, at least not without adding little motors to the switch so it can match state with whatever it's controlling. My experience has been that there's an adjustment period, but eventually it's not a big deal. Sort of like switching to paddle switches from toggle switches; at first it's different, and people don't like different when it comes to things they don't think about, like light switches. But eventually the new thing becomes normal, and it's not a problem anymore.
That said, the z-wave toggle switches are garbage, it's much easier to adjust to paddles.