How do you ask for help? (self.asklemmy)

submitted 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) by kira_ananta to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

18 comments fedilink hide all child comments

I feel like I give help easily but I don't feel ok asking. How do you become ok with asking for help? I have no idea what conversations that include this even sound like. In my mind I come across as begging and losing connection with the person or people I ask. How can I think about this differently?

Edit: a little more context, although this applies generally I think. I recently got surgery. I have enough help at home to get by, but it would be nice I suppose if a friend wanted to help out in some way too while I recover. I'm not exactly sure what kind of help that would entail, maybe cleaning or cooking or even just visiting. But I struggle with asking for help in even "normal" circumstances, like moving, or a major project, or even just emotional support.

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments

[-] flipht@kbin.social 8 points 1 year ago

I'm finding out that I'm codependent. I avoided this term for a long time because of connotations I had of it with "co-addiction" but really, it is a situation like what you describe - I provide help all the time, and I never ask for or feel like I can accept it. I have so many instances in my past of help coming with strings, or being massively let down, or just being slammed with other people's incompetence that it makes me physically uncomfortable. All of this stems from and reinforces the idea that I have to be responsible because everyone else around me is being messy and useless.

Long story short - ask for help anyway. Even when it feels like shit, you have to get used to it. Like others have said, be specific and direct, and accept the idea that they may say no, and it probably isn't personal. "I need help with..." doesn't work unless it includes, "Can you help me with this?"

[-] 200ok@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago

I have so many instances in my past of help coming with strings, or being massively let down, or just being slammed with other people's incompetence that it makes me physically uncomfortable. All of this stems from and reinforces the idea that I have to be responsible because everyone else around me is being messy and useless.

This puts into words how I've been feeling my whole life... this nagging feeling that I could never articulate. Thank you.

this post was submitted on 30 Aug 2023

63 points (100.0% liked)

Asklemmy

44804 readers

1150 users here now

A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions

Search asklemmy 🔍

If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!

Open-ended question
Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
An actual topic of discussion

Looking for support?

Looking for a community?

Lemmyverse: community search
sub.rehab: maps old subreddits to fediverse options, marks official as such
!lemmy411@lemmy.ca: a community for finding communities

~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_A@discuss.tchncs.de~

founded 5 years ago

MODERATORS