I have not walked in your shoes; I do not have your life experiences, nor the beliefs that led you to be the person that you are.

I do, however, have severe ADHD (both times I was diagnosed, my therapist said I was the most severe case they had seen, ever). I'm 51, diagnosed at age 30 (then again in my late 40s as I attempted to get ritalin again after finally getting insurance).

I have not had a career. I've always struggled to find and keep work. In the US, we have fewer protections than a lot of places - and I didn't even know until I was 30.

The longest I worked at a single place was five years, and I got let go in December 2024 and wasn't able to find anything after that. Thanks to health issues, I qualify for 'disability', so I said screw it and just accepted that. My wife - who is AuDHD - is working, and so thankfully I have insurance thanks to her job.

I just mean this as background that I have had a shitty life in many many ways thanks to ADHD. Because I have been able to work when my wife wasn't, and vice-versa, I am lucky that with additional help from my father, we have been able to survive this far, and hopefully will for the foreseeable future. But otherwise, I might well be facing some of the things you face.

My main reason for replying is just to say that many many times during my life, I've seen what looks like The End coming - I thought we would be homeless and lose everything. And so far, we haven't.

Don't give up until you have to give up.

I can understand trying to prepare, and I wouldn't want to talk you out of that. But I hope you won't give up until you are forced to. You don't know what might happen until you get there. And while I hope that something magically works out so that you find yourself gainfully employed in a job and city that you like, able to pay your bills and have a little bit left over for pleasure, if that doesn't happen, I hope that you are able to survive and find enough joy day to day to keep going.

I know how much that can suck. My kidneys have failed - I've had seven heart attacks - a below-knee amputation of my left leg. I go to dialysis three times every week and spend over four hours there - more than 20 hours every week all told going to and from. And while I try to nap at dialysis, I'm in a chair and can't move because of the needles in my arms.

I am constantly fatigued and I am anemic, so what I can do around the house is very very limited. I try to help with our chorres, but truth be told, my wife does far more than her fair share.

And thanks to my health, I can't even get ritalin or anything else anymore for my ADHD.

In many ways, life sucks.

But I'm still here, surviving. I find joy in playing some games that I like; I find fulfilment in making the people I interact with smile when I can. (I like to be friendly when I'm out and about - I tend to wear bright hawaiian shirts and I have a bubbly personality thanks to the ADHD so I like it when I can make someone smile in our interactions).

ADHD is rough, as is autism, and even more 'fun' when you have them both.

I don't have answers for you; just the hope that you can continue to survive, but that also you can find the simple everyday pleasures in life that make it worth living. And if not, I hope that you can find the resources you need.

I can only tell you why I keep on struggling to live longer. I can't make you want that. But I can be thankful that you exist, and I can care that you exist. <3