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Reliable messenger for family use? (lemmy.world)
submitted 1 week ago by anakin78z@lemmy.world to c/selfhosted@lemmy.world
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Hello,

I've been self hosting Nextcloud for the last half a year, and my family has been using Nextcloud Talk to communicate. However, as cool it is overall, we suffer from a lot of missed messages. I've been keeping an eye on (and contributing to) the Android app, but even with all the updates, it seems like they can't quite figure out the issue with notifications not appearing consistently. My wife is fed up, so I'm looking for alternatives.

It seems like Matrix is the next logical one to try, but the Android apps have pretty poor reviews. A lot of the self hosted messengers also seem to be more like Slack replacements, rather than focused on family & friend use.

Has anyone had a good experience with a self hosted messenger for family use?

Thanks!

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[-] smiletolerantly@awful.systems 1 points 21 hours ago
  1. Signal
  2. XMPP
  3. Matrix

In that order. I self-host both XMPP and Matrix, and I wouldn't want to stop using matrix. Spaces, arbitrary amounts of self-chats, and so on are great. I use matrix every day.

But for chatting... It sooner or later fails you. It's slow. Notifications break. Messages are shown as sent, but somehow do not appear in the recipient's devices until TWO WEEKS LATER (yeah IDK, happened twice already, in different chats and directions. Best part is, I'm not even federated!). Encryption is great IF YOU KNOW SOME CRYPTOGRAPHY BASICS, and utterly confusing otherwise.

XMPP just works. Especially the calls, holy shit, I had to fight Matrix for so long to make voice and video calls work, and xmpp just... Works. Notifications are way more reliable (as in, have been absolutely perfect). I really like monocles as a chat app on Android. (The downside is: can't decrypt old messages on new devices, and desktop clients are ugly.)

So why Signal above XMPP?

Because it's not your fault should something ever break in a vital service. Also the encryption and privacy afforded by it a great.

this post was submitted on 20 Jul 2026
114 points (100.0% liked)

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