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[vent] why do I crave a sense of purpose and meaning? Looking at you, agent Smith... (piefed.blahaj.zone)
submitted 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) by akunohana@piefed.blahaj.zone to c/mentalhealth@lemmy.world
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Edit: thank you all for your wonderful, heartwarming support! 🩷 I must've had a particularly bad episode (?) last night and I needed to vent. Wish you all a pleasant day! 🩵

cw: passive suicidal thoughts
I wish that I didn't feel the need to feel any purpose with my existence or meaning in life, but I do and it hurts so badly. I was so close to going to the psychiatric ER today because I didn't know what to do with the immense, overwhelming chest pain. I "play" with the thought of ceasing to exist because I hate that I'm just a piece of meat. All I do is survive each day. Alone and ugly. I wish I was a simpleton. I wish I didn't feel every goddamn moment. I got some morphine pills the other day, a fairly minor dosage, to help me endure IPL hair removal. I have a few pills left that could make me numb and dumb for a few hours. Not that it's a viable solution. Next year, when I have saved up some money, I'm thinking about traveling abroad again in order to rediscover myself. I feel so silly. Sorry. Aight. Night. 🌃

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[-] polariscap@lemmy.cafe 1 points 2 days ago

I love that one 😅 Here’s to saving up for your next trip maybe getting to ride a zipline (wheee)

this post was submitted on 10 Jul 2026
18 points (100.0% liked)

Mental Health

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