cross-posted from: https://sh.itjust.works/post/51387855

Offering screening for neurodivergence to people detained by the police could help ensure access to appropriate support and fairer treatment in the criminal justice system, say Cambridge researchers. A study from the team suggests that one in two individuals arrested and detained in London may have undiagnosed attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and one in 20 may have undiagnosed autism.

Hi everyone! This will be a bit long sorry.

First, Thank god for lemmy, I can finally share this. f**k reddit.

So... I'm an extremely introverted person, i don't have friends irl nor online. I've been fighting with ADHD since ever and didn't even know! I discovered that I have this disorder just a year ago. I knew that i have IBS aka irritable bowel syndrome. I can’t feel hungry becuz of it at all but It makes me very emotional and depressed. Adding ibs to adhd to loneliness is something only people who are dealing with knows how it feels, lately after falling in college and dropping out and feeling that my life is destroyed. My condition worsened, im fought to save myself and I managed to gain a skill and I'm working as freelancer. But loneliness is still there. I try to be patient i try to stop the tears but i can't take it anymore i cry a lot and i feel sometimes like my chest is crashing. Pls people like me what do you guys do in this situation? Plz help with whatever you know is helpful. I'll very appreciate it.

I would give anything to move abroad, but im into little to no things it takes to actually do so. And when I read about it, it seems a bit reasonable, but I lose all interest and motivation right there. Doubt myself and the usual.

I hate being american so much to where I want to do. I don't feel like writing much cause I feel pretty tired right now, but still Its become some sort of dysphoria for me. I feel inferior and I even hope to die in my sleep. I just wish that I were born European.

I do learn languages and I'm well aware of the issues over there.

I wonder to god why I was born here, but I know god doesn't really work like that or see things that way. So I probably pray.

I feel inferior literally

I don't relate to the history or culture (as if there is any) at all.

And some other stuff.

And I apologize if this seems very excessive. Its just really how I feel.

For those of you who use meds, in particular methylphenidate:

Do you consume caffeine? What's your experience been with it?

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.ca/post/56362702

I am trying to get back into watching hockey again, but the digital rink board ads are making it surprisingly difficult. When they slide or flicker my eyes snap to them instead of the play, and I end up losing sight of the puck, especially when it goes behind the net.

I cannot tell if this is an attention or sensory issue on my end or if the broadcasts have simply become more visually aggressive.

For people who watch regularly: Do the shifting digital ads distract you too, or do you barely notice them anymore?

I am genuinely trying to enjoy hockey again but my focus gets pulled away every few seconds and I am wondering how others experience this.

there's a million different strategies on how to function well with adhd, and some of them even work. but every single time i encounter the same problem - even if something works and improves my quality of life it's always short lived. i get distracted or something happens that throws me off the rhythm and then- i can't restart.

so now i have a mental library of all those tactics that work and very little motivation to try again, it's going to last a week maybe, and then back to being a mess i go.

is there any way to work against that? any point of view i failed to consider? any tactic that is designed to stick? or just something that doesn't work on an assumption that you need to do it consistently for it to work? (and then feel like a failure once you inevitably stop doing it)

all the tips and tricks i googled fail at this step, no book on adhd that i've read highlights this problem, this can't be just me right?

i'm just so tired

My natural instincts seem like all the things you need to avoid with an avoidant partner like overwhelming intensity of feelings, going all in, oversharing, excitement, showing raw feelings etc. I was wondering if it's even sustainable.

In case it's not a run while you can scenario, I would appreciate any advice for an early talking stage with an avoidant and later stages if it goes well

Thanks!!

Yeah, what the title says.

When I try to explain to friends or family how difficult it makes things in a relationship when one person (me) has ADHD they never get it and I often get the impression they think my wife is overreacting.

I understand that they want to support me but they aren't helping, it just makes me angry. I know that it's not all my fault but I want them to understand what a mental and emotional burden it can be to be the partner of an ADHD-person. Even when I tell them that our problems are typical for ADHD-partnerships, that everything I've read about it tell exactly the same story that we have been going through, it doesn't really make an impression and I want to scream at them "please for fuck's sake believe what I'm telling you!!"

Ugh.

Edit: Looking at the comments and reading my post again I feel like I should have phrased it differently:

What bothers me is not that people don't get how much I struggle with ADHD. What bothers me is that they can't seem to comprehend how mentally and emotionally draining it can be to be the partner of someone with ADHD and seem to have very little understanding or sympathy for my partner. And that makes me so mad because everyone seems to think I'm this great person and my wife must be overreacting.

Pretty much what the title says. Also, how long does it usually last for when it happens?

I don't really know who to talk to right now and posting here seems a good idea.

So, like the title says, I think my marriage is over. For context: Me (F42) and my wife have been married for 9 years. We got married not even a year into our relationship and I had no idea back then that I had ADHD. Did we get married too soon? Yes and no. The problems didn't really start until around year 5, so even if we had gotten married after, say, three years, the outcome would have been the same.

Around two and a half years ago my wife suggested that I may have ADHD after things had started getting worse and worse. But although I was open to the idea it took me a year to get off my butt and get diagnosed and start treatment. Precious time that I wasted.

Now I've been on meds for a year and in therapy for around 9 months. Some things have gotten better but the core problem remains: My wife feels responsible for everything, is shouldering pretty much all the mental load and I seem to be unable to become the reliable adult partner that she needs. ADHD or the way I handle it has completely eroded our marriage and the love we had between us. My wife feels exhausted and trapped and I feel helpless because I feel like I maybe moved up a level or two in my "adulting skills" but I'd need to be a Level 10 to make our marriage work. Or make any marriage work, for that matter.

I feel extremely sad. I feel sad about the suffering I have caused my wife, who really tried to stick it out. Probably longer than she should have for her own good. Sad because I've been trying really hard and I see some people who have ADHD but who also seem to have an "overachiever personality" and they have their shit together so much more than I do. Sad because I wasted a whole year doing nothing. Sad because we used to be so happy together and used to love each other so much and now all that seems to be left is bitterness and resentment.

😢

Edit: Thank you so much to everyone who has has already commented and shared kind words with me.

My wife and I have been going over this many many times. I know what she needs and I am trying and a feel fucking sad about the fact that, maybe, we just can't make it work. But I also realize I'm starting to reach a point where being on my own is beginning to sound liberating. I've never had a problem with being single and I feel like at least then there isn't anyone I can disappoint anymore. It's just me and if I fuck up the only person having to face the consequences is me.

I just feel really bad because I feel I have cost my wife so much. She would have wanted to have kids and I've always been on the fence about it. I used to absolutely not want to have kids when we met, then kinda came around to the idea (when you're super in love it does become a kinda wonderful idea) but then gradually starting feeling more and more uncertain. And now I'm at a point where, regardless of whether or not I want to have kids (I don't have a desire to have them but could imagine having them) I don't think I'm capable of raising kids. If we had broken up sooner my wife might have had a better chance at having kids with someone else.

I'd be lying if I said I haven't been feeling awful myself. I feel like I'm under constant pressure because I want to "prove myself" and the more I worry about fucking up the more tense I get. The best moment of the day is when I go to bed because then I don't have to do anything for the next 8 hours, just rest and sleep. Can't mistakey if not awakey :P

And our relationship has been deteriorating for so long and we've both become so fed up with each other. My wife is fed up with me because I'm not who she needs me to be and I'm fed up with her because I feel like even if I try to manage something myself, take care of something myself, I don't do it the right way. Sometimes it really isn't (last week I almost set the oven on fire) but sometimes it's just a minor thing.

Maybe, as sad as it is, we're better off apart and would be happier on own own / with someone else.

Is it an ADHD thing to need time alone more than neurotypical people do? And if so, how do make sure you get it?

I haven't been diagnosed with ADHD but am starting to suspect that I have it.

One thing I know about myself is that I REALLY struggle if I can't have time alone and it's also the main thing that I know that the people in my life struggle to accept about me. It makes me feel really bad not getting enough time alone and not feeling like it's OK with other people if I take it.

Not sure if this is something people with ADHD relate to. Maybe you guys can tell me?

Thought experiment:

If the world was going to get reconfigured in 2026 for maximum benefit to people with ADHD, what would it look like?

I have a problem that every time i want to start new hobby, i cant work on it for long enough time to develop it into a habit. I quit the hobby i started even less than one month after starting it, even if i am excited and interested in working on it for a long time.

Since i dont know if i really have an adhd, because psychitriastists i went to say that i dont have adhd, despite i have common symptoms like lack of motivation, problems with learning and work, and problem with working on hobbies for a long time, i need to somehow find a way to work on a single hobby for a long time, without meds.

I have ADHD, and my therapist has confirmed it, just like the results of ADHD tests. He isn't bad, he greatly helps me with my depression. However, he doesn't provide an official diagnosis nor prescribe pills.

He says it's my trait and that I should learn to live with it. Like, take more breaks, find a motivation. Easy to say, hard to do. I can't keep up with the strategies he suggests, and I feel like I'm not trying hard enough.

The world doesn't wait for me. This trait is ruining my work and my routine, and it's stealing my money and my time. I can't start tasks, I can't concentrate, and I can't do anything boring or unpleasant.

For example, I can stare at a wall in the middle of a work task, with my hand over the keyboard, and lose myself in thoughts about my hobby. And I don't give a damn at this moment about all my reminders, the absence of irritants, and so on.

Of course, sometimes I can force myself "just to do it", but it costs a ton of energy (btw, because of my depression, I have a tiny amount of energy). It often requires a ton of luck, too.

Is this normal? Am I just complaining?

cross-posted from: https://slrpnk.net/post/30124794

YouTube descriptions:

I thought I’d found a natural fix for my ADHD. Instead, it became one of the hardest addictions I’ve ever had to break.

My brain is melting. Ain’t slept in two days, should be asleep now. Obviously I don’t think this person should have a driver license but that outcome will hit me.

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/38675428

I started using the hourly chime on my wrist watch and found it helps ground me. The trouble is the chime can be disruptive at night, and it's tedious to turn it on and off every day. I'm hoping to find a clock (not a wrist watch)-- of decent build quality-- with an adjustable chime (volume and active window). I don't care if the clock mechanisms are mechanical or not, so long as the chime is pleasant.

I'm struggling to get satisfying web-search results, but I thought others with ADHD may already have a similar solution. Anyone have a clock with a chime you'd recommend?

I was diagnosed with ADHD a few weeks ago, ive been put onto the waiting list for titration to start meds but it looks like its still gonna be a few months. I could really do with getting my meds asap as ive got exams and coursework coming up, anyone have recommendations for stuff to help with keeping me focused? I'm currently just downing monsters like they're water whenever I need to do work

Normally, when I have a day off I stay in bed until the afternoon. I don't leave the house and nothing gets done. Have hard time figuring out what to eat when I eventually get hungry.

Woke up today at 9:30 am because the neighbors are having noisy work done. I've slept through it before but today I had energy... damn it, energy is gone.

TL;DR
Started a load of wash
Took dog for short walk and car ride
Went to pharmacy
Went to grocery store
Came home with dog
Started another load of laundry
Cleaned my apartment
Did some more laundry
Folded all laundry
Attempted to start a crock pot dinner for tonigh
Made lunch for tomorrow

Over a year since I done all this in a day

... because I comment more times in a single day than I normally do over weeks.

(Hoarding meds because I need to make an appointment for a refill, but I can't make myself do that when unmedicated and always get distracted the rare days I am. Hey, if it were rational it'd be considered a personality quirk, not a mental illness.)

Hi. I wonder how do you keep following through on your ideas/goals/topics that you want to research (in specific field or some niche idea/interest) and not burn out/get bored and forget about them altogether?

I've found I often don't have enough time to spend on an interest right away, and then I put it in my todo list/special folder in obsidian to check on later (article, wikipedia page, a video, movie or a book), and then it just sits there. When I open the list I start to think that I need to fix this pile of stocks and start going one by one on them, but by that time they are no longer an interest to me.

Say I got interested in researching history of WWII and Nazi regime because I watched a movie/read a book about that. Then, I just go on to the internet to find out more about it. At the moment I'm thinking "I dont have enough time for all that", so I just get some books, articles, videos about it and stuck it in a file named "to research". Later on, I'm terrified of even looking at that file, it seems large, and when I open it, I'm bored from second one because I "forced" myself to do this, instead of flowing inside of it, like I did with the movie.

I guess being dilligent is very hard for me. I feel like the problem mainly lies in my "fear of time" more than a spurred attention span. But I'm thinking about how can I keep up with irl things like work/chores/whatever while tagging myself with hobbies instead of being either too chaotic or too "formal" without any interest left behind? How do you do that?

Ever since I connected my executive functioning issues to my ADHD, I've realized yet another hurdle has been added to my efforts to do shit: the idea that I am helplessly useless at doing things and that's how things are. I literally end up paralyzed with fear at the idea I've internalized that I am simply bad at doing life, which makes me do bad at life.

I recently tried psyching myself up instead of out, and it's been really effective. Focusing on things I'm good and skilled at WHILE ALSO focusing on the task at hand, not comparing myself to other people, and asking for help when I need it has improved my ability to get things done significantly. By significantly I mean I have gone from doing 2 things a day to 5 things a day, BUT THAT IS SOMETHING. An upward curve. I love and want the best for myself. I will continue to improve with every drop of effort I can muster. And I'm good at this shit. I'm determined. I am literally wrenching my brain back from the depths of the void. I'm going to sleep in the next 30 minutes (NOT the next 3 hours) and the moment I wake up I'm going to get up and I'm going to do my fucking best and anyone who takes issue with that (the evil brain gremlins and imaginary people i make up to call myself stupid) can have a boot up their ass

To you who reads this, I wish you the most fortune I possibly can. I love myself and I love you all, even though I have no idea who you are. You deserve happiness and mercy and rest. Goodnight.