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Do you ask polyamorous people they're polyamorous?
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this post was submitted on 25 Jun 2026
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From my point of view, best to ask early. But then, I'd want to tell someone anyway, if things were heading past light flirting.
I don't know if a monogamous person might be offended by the question though (?)
Monogamous person here. I would not be offended if someone asked me if I was, or if someone else is. I think it's kinda hot. It's not something I'd want to be in long-term, but for a night? Shit, why not? That said, I've been married almost 20 years, and my wife and I aren't looking for a third or a couple to play with. Maybe when we were both 20 years younger. Not now. That's a younger person's game (to my mind anyway). But offended? No way. You do you, boo.
You can also ask me if I'm gay or trans. I'm neither, but I won't mind being asked as long as it's respectfully. And I'll answer in kind. I have been hit on by men. Not often, but it's happened a few times. Always flattering, as long as they take no for an answer. They always have. I mean, it's kinda dangerous for them if they don't. Not from me. I just mean in general. And violence against LGBTQ+ has always been a factor, unfortunately. Still, I'm flattered they think I'm worth their time. But I don't swing that way. I thank them for the compliment and wish them well. I think it's the best you can do in the situation. And while best is the enemy of good, well, I try to be better.
If you don't mind gay men hitting on you, you may not be representative of typical monogamists, lol
Also, not sure about a young person's game ... I'd love to have one or two more people in my life, and I'm 48. Can't see that changing any time soon
I don't get offended when anybody hits on me, but the answer's gonna be no regardless of whether they got the same thing in their pants as my wife. I'm not into masculine body types and I'm not into cock. The person behind either/both does have feelings and there's no sense in being rude because they shot their shot.
I understand that, but most AMAB men don't behave / think like you do
Most people don't think or behave like I do. That was hard to accept when I was a kid, and something I've spent years learning to deal with.
I've also been called an egg and I had to look up what that means. They were saying I'm trans and in the closet about it (as in, the egg hasn't cracked/hatched yet). That came up because I play female characters in video games. It started with Fallout 3 because you get a perk for being female. Better vendor prices from men, and more damage dealt against male enemies (guess what most raiders are; also, I think monsters default to male). A lot of games had perks like that. Animal Crossing is largely made for girls, so something like 60-75% of the furniture, clothing, and other style choices are female-focused. So my villagers are girls. Yes, I realise this means I'm basically playing with dolls and building a dollhouse on an island with cute animals. I... don't care. It's a relaxing, chill game. Then you have games like Mass Effect and Cyberpunk 2077, where playing the male character seems like a handicap to the story or voice acting quality. I'll play a guy if I have to (currently playing The Witcher 3). Anyway, I'm not trans, nor an "egg." I've considered it. Asked myself "is there any merit to that argument?". I cannot find one. I also kill people in video games, but I have no desire to kill anyone in real life. Sometimes a game is just a game, and role playing means you're stepping out of your comfort zone and playing a role.
I can't speak for other men/AMAB people. I can only speak for myself. I don't mean to say others think like me or do like I do.
Uh huh
I've watched some people fall out of it over the years, but plenty of others fall in. And some who fall out really just needed a break and get back into it
Mmm, it's probably psychologically good to have a break, to separate the drama of young poly relationships from the point where one is ready to approach it in a mature and caring way
Being offended by an honest question about it in modern society... Unless there's a strong religious aspect (where being poly is likely a big issue in general), probably a red flag in general. It indicates they are easily offended by relatively simple things, and if that offends them that much, what else do they have strong and potentially out of proportion opinions on?
Well, they get offended by some things that seem quite alien to me, so I don't know what is or isn't ok
Yes monogamous people would probably be offended. Think of it this way; to monogamous people, polyamory is functionally cheating, so you're indirectly accusing them of being a cheater with your question. It's not my fault, this is just the reality.
The solution is so extremely simple you'll laugh. Instead of asking if they're poly, ask people if they're monogamous. Other monogamous people will be like, yeah of course aren't you? Poly people will say no without being offended.