24

I had like an interaction where I had some decent clues that a person only introduces their pronouns after they clocked me, e.g. other people didn't do pronoun intro before, the way the "ally in question" did it felt pretty artificial (I am willing to write that off on being paranoid).

The message is "I know you are trans, you are not passing, but I am graciously allowing you to exist in this group setting". Same goes for only doing pronoun checks in a group setting when you clock a trans person. I find it worse than assuming wrong pronouns and switching after being gently corrected. Maybe because I have higher standards of would-be allies than the average person. After all, allies are supposed to have my back, not just not having a hitler-detector moment when I pass by. On the other hand, I have it easy for being okay with being a semi-binary trans woman, so obv enby struggles are another thing, but clocking still stings like a bitch.

Pronoun checks should be normalized to a point cis people do it intuitively, but idk if we will ever get there. If you wanna chime in, when and how did you call that behaviour out or point it out, if you saw it? Did your response work?

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
[-] tagen@hexbear.net 4 points 1 year ago

but I am graciously allowing you to exist in this group setting

What do you mean by this?

[-] vomit_sounds@hexbear.net 4 points 1 year ago

What makes this behaviour so uncomfortable is that it combines clocking, which is pretty uncomfortable, with being "nice", the pronoun intro. Even if the intent was to be nice to the trans person, it still pushes scrutiny on us and makes us feel isolated as well as making us question our presentation and appearance, which is especially hard for transfemmes, since bc of transmisogyny, we get judged for our looks thrice as hard as other people.

Thus what I receive from this introduction is not "This person is an ally", but "this person lords my appearance over me and wants to be my friend at the same time", which is incredibly patronizing and socially threatening.

[-] Iraglassceiling@hexbear.net 2 points 1 year ago

Getting mad at someone for, by your own admission, trying to be nice sounds self defeating to me, but I hear what you are saying about it feeling patronizing.

To me it sounds like what you’re really upset about is being clocked. Being clocked is shitty. Clocking someone is awkward.

If you start the pronoun discussion yourself, does that help? Theoretically cis people should be doing that automatically, so if you don’t get clocked then great you’re normalizing pronouns. If you did get clocked then it changes nothing and it saves you feeling like someone is white knighting on your behalf?

this post was submitted on 18 Aug 2023
24 points (100.0% liked)

transenby_liberation

17 readers
2 users here now

Community for trans and non-binary folk to band together and break free from the oppressive shackles of cis-heteronormative capitalism. Or shitpost and converse with each other. Just stay comfy, y'all. :)

Asking trans and non-binary related questions is highly encouraged by our community, but please direct all questions to c/askchapo. <3


EDUCATIONTransgender Liberation: A Movement Whose Time Has Come by Leslie Feinberg

Trans Liberation: Beyond Pink or Blue by Leslie Feinberg
Trans Liberation Chapo Discussion

Stone Butch Blues by Leslie Feinberg

Transgender Warriors: Making History from Joan of Arc to Dennis Rodman by Leslie Feinberg

Whipping Girl by Julia Serano

Feminism for Babies


RESOURCES

Hudson's FTM Resource Guide

Transgender Map by Andrea James

r/asktransgender wiki


RULES

1. Familiarize yourself with the Code of ConductCode of Conduct

2. Don't link to transphobiaPlease don't link to transphobia (or other bigotry), even if your personal intent is to challenge the bigotry in some way. Provide a content warning label in the title of your post where applicable.

3. Be dank; don't be not-dankNo liberalism, capitalist apologia, imperialism, etc.

4. No sexually explicit contentAs badly as some of us want to get saucy here, do not post sexually-explicit content that could reveal your personal or confidential information. Until there is a way this could be safely executed, all sexually-explicit posts will be removed to keep our comrades safe.

5. We are not a crisis serviceWe can't guarantee an immediate response. This does not mean no one cares. If you need to talk to someone at once, you may want to take a look at this directory of Hotline Numbers.

6. If you need help but don't feel comfortable making a post for any reasonplease message the moderators. We will be glad to talk with you privately, or help in any other way that we can.

founded 4 years ago
MODERATORS