I would say that you accepting Kirby's form as an eldritch god indicates something like ... you have stared into the void, it stared back into you, and you either didn't flinch, or you did, but kept the staring contest going either way.

... Either that or your powers of whimsy are essentially off the charts.

One of those, probably? ... Maybe both.

He could have nuclear reactor feet, but I think its more like... his appearance is largely as he chooses it to be, he is seemingly only limited in his assumable forms by having had to ingest them first.

Here's another way of framing Kirby:

Write him as a catalogued SCP entry, haha!

Gotta try the smidge of butter in coffee thing.

And the encouragement from strangers does actually mean something.

I don't get out much, I don't know anyone any more. Every person I reached out to for help during all that either actively made demands of me and insulted me or was too busy to do anything, so fuck em, I'm a ghost. A specter, even.

And then there was the multiple times my ids and phone(s) got stolen or destroyed.

And the times I got held hostage by fent addicts, the drive by or two that I just happened to be in the wrong place and wrong time to experience.

The blizzards and heatwaves I slept through, outside, with COVID.

The PTSD and frankly personality disorder that has come from all this is my main concern at this point.

I... gave up trying to figure out some kind of grand, philosophical 'how' or 'why' I survived it all. A combination of dumb luck at a few good points and apparently an incredible capacity to endure pain at a lot of bad points.

I can... well seemingly socialize well in short bursts with my apartment neighbors ... but inside, I am often a cauldron.

Like, you not being able to read a book in 6 months, in the same paragraph as splinting your own arm as an emt... It fills me contempt, on one level, as a comparison, its like you're insulting me.

But... well I know you likely don't mean it as an insult, you're trying to relate, to be friendly.

That, there, that's what I mean by personality disorder. I don't think I'm 'wrong' to be this way, but I do realize that if I remain this way, I'm never gonna have any kind of meaningful relationship with anyone ever again.

And only part of me thinks that's bad.

The other part think's its rational and reasonable, and just wants to be left alone.

On the one hand, I have a firm sense of my own boundaries now, in comparison to before.

On the other hand, those boundaries follow a two strike rule and I literally do not put up with anyone's bullshit.

So basically I'm an asshole, lol, with too much self awareness and trauma.

And trauma dumping apparently too.

I can be jovial, courteous, curious... its nice to be able to laugh again without that causing neck and diaphragm spams... but yeah I'm still kind of a mess.

Anyway, I think I'm trying to say 'thank you for the encouragement', and not doing a very good job of it. So thank you, really.