I have two adult children who I haven’t spoken to for almost eight years and, last I heard, want nothing to do with me.

The situation is complex, and I’m not completely innocent. From their perspective I’m a dogshit person and they’re better off without me in their lives. There are aspects of the situation they don’t know about, specifically the domestic abuse that I suffered at the hands of their mother, which she was very careful not to do in their presence. So all they know is how they saw me behaving, which was often pretty terrible, and whatever she’s told them, which I know isn’t the whole truth. It’s maddening how completely unfair the situation is but I’m hard pressed to think of a way to better it.

I check in on their social media every now and then. They seem happy. I don’t attempt to message them. I just go about my day with this quiet sadness in the background.