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this post was submitted on 02 May 2026
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In addition to fast hands you'd better have long arms and a very firm grip. If you grab a goose by the neck it will go absolutely berserk, and they're much heavier and also stronger than people expect. There is also the inevitability that at some point you will have to let go. You are familiar with the proverb about riding a tiger?
Sturdy boots and a good punt are a better strategy. Don't worry, goose chest muscles are quite strong and you probably won't hurt it. With luck you can land it far enough away from you that you'll have time to get your hands on a halberd or possibly a shotgun or something.
Heavy geese are 13kg. I can hold my dog with one arm if he jumps in the leash and he is 44kg.
Let me show you how to handle those bastards.
I can't wait to watch you put a leash on a goose!
Does it have to be alive?
In this context it wouldn't be much of a challenge, or very entertaining, if dead. The fun starts with the chase!
Nope...He who rides a tiger....? Doesn't chase a dragon?! Gets torn to shreds?! Becomes the latest meme?!
I do Iove how assured you sound about your advice though... Now where's the nearest public halberd locker? Oh yes, next to the phone box defibrillator, next left, third right, on the high street by Woolworths.
You're telling me you don't keep polearms handy all the time?
What about swords? Not even a sword? I don't know what to tell you.
I prefer to keep mobile, sidearms an essential. Not ideal for a quick enemy with a long reach attack unexpectedly on the southbound platform though. A goose army landing in the lakes & marching on the king...well that's another matter.