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this post was submitted on 02 May 2026
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Like, I've seen a bunch of people freaking out when a goose starts chasing at them, but a goose has a very strong weakness in that it's got a very long neck, and most human beings have fast hands.
I'm pretty sure that if a goose attacks you and you grab it by the neck, you win the encounter.
You get the experience points.
And you have an incredibly inexpensive Christmas dinner.
Here’s an example of what that person ends up being like:
https://youtu.be/0_-zjaXjeYY?t=14s
This is the kind of attitude that made people lose the Emu wars.
In addition to fast hands you'd better have long arms and a very firm grip. If you grab a goose by the neck it will go absolutely berserk, and they're much heavier and also stronger than people expect. There is also the inevitability that at some point you will have to let go. You are familiar with the proverb about riding a tiger?
Sturdy boots and a good punt are a better strategy. Don't worry, goose chest muscles are quite strong and you probably won't hurt it. With luck you can land it far enough away from you that you'll have time to get your hands on a halberd or possibly a shotgun or something.
Heavy geese are 13kg. I can hold my dog with one arm if he jumps in the leash and he is 44kg.
Let me show you how to handle those bastards.
I can't wait to watch you put a leash on a goose!
Does it have to be alive?
In this context it wouldn't be much of a challenge, or very entertaining, if dead. The fun starts with the chase!
Nope...He who rides a tiger....? Doesn't chase a dragon?! Gets torn to shreds?! Becomes the latest meme?!
I do Iove how assured you sound about your advice though... Now where's the nearest public halberd locker? Oh yes, next to the phone box defibrillator, next left, third right, on the high street by Woolworths.
You're telling me you don't keep polearms handy all the time?
What about swords? Not even a sword? I don't know what to tell you.