Liberal. Adjective.

Favorable to progress or reform

That's literally Progressivism. Which ISN'T Liberalism.

Open-minded or tolerant

That's 1700s Classical Liberalism, when compared to the ultra-authoritarian norms of the time.

Modern Liberalism AKA Neoliberalism is an economic philosophy that is very much capitalist and authoritarian.

Conservative. Adjective.

Disposed to preserve existing conditions, institutions, etc

Correct

, or to restore traditional ones

Nope, that's regression. Easy mistake to make when everyone calling themselves conservative for the past half century have actually been regressive.

and to limit change.

Correct.

Also also, the word "neoliberal" is absolute syllable salad to me.

Bolded the significant part. The "neo" part is there for a reason, as described above.

It's like it's trying to pretend to be one thing, but is actually the polar opposite of it.

Nope. Neoliberalism is economically Liberal and can be socially progressive, neutral (most of the DNC) or conservative (most "moderate" Republicans)

It's a case of a movement naming itself without regard to ~~what the fuck~~ whether or not glitchdx understands what the word actually means and therefore it doesn't mean a damn thing to glitchdx

Fixed it for you.