Alright, look at me, deer comrade. Look. at. me.

["NY Rush" starts playing out of nowhere]

So you do not seem to understand the implications of what I have written: somehow the parse tree that you have subconsciously drawn in your mind is completely different from the interpretation that I intended when I typed those 26 words. So I will now clarify exactly what I am trying to say: I would feign — that is, I would completely and utterly fabricate — an overtly enthusiastic support for the actually revolting American imperialist project that is the North Atlantic Treaty Organization, if, and only if, doing so would mean that I would attract the attention of a set of anthropomorphized communist hyenas. Not the hyenas in the picture, though — they aren't anthropomorphized enough, you see.

So in other words, I am attempting to imply that I desire to be publicly humiliated and mayhaps even eaten.

By furries.

Sexual style.

Do you understand what I'm saying now? I mean, I'm a real freak. I'm not normal. Like, I want it to scare the shit out of me, too. I want to be an entirely different person by the end of the first eight hours.