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this post was submitted on 09 Mar 2026
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Mental Health
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I'm married to someone who had to be the adult and take care of her family (siblings and mother) starting age 11.
My wife is unstoppable. But she expects adults to be adults, because she had to figure out how to be one by herself. And that's where the resentment comes in.
Yeah that was me as a kid. 1-2 siblings, parents worked 7am-6pm or later, and mom travelled a lot for work. I did all my own stuff starting at ~6yo, cooking/cleaning/laundry by 8yo, caring for my baby siblings starting at 11yo (including overnight childcare).
I don't resent anyone for it (no cope, I think my childhood was good overall). Parents both started from absolutely zero and became very successful. Both parents were loving and supportive. But I definitely am left with the feeling that if I can't handle something, someone else will either do it incompetently or not think to do it at all.
That attitude has not yielded lots of friends or the support I probably need. People assume I don't need anything and I don't know how to ask.
My parents were both raised the same way and also turned out that way.
In my many decades of experience, the only people who can do it competently are going to charge a fuck of a lot of money for their time, and even with an expensive contractor, it's 60:40 they'll do it right.
Mechanics will replace the entire cooling loop and sensors in a car to make an extra grand. HVAC techs will charge you an extra Benjamin to replace a contractor along with the capacitor, just in case it was a problem.
Sadly, my wife's parents did not make any effort to make her life better. Her dad is just a terrible person (abusive, neglectful, narcissistic, all the classics) and her mom is narcissistic, angry, hateful, and worst of all, helpless. She can walk around and do things but... She won't. She will instead demand to be helped, fed, dressed, bathed, she needs the tv turned on, and she expects you to read her mind. When we were dating I remember her mom literally yelling at her for a week because my wife grabbed the wrong flavor of ramen noodles. She wasn't told which flavor to get.
My wife is not only unstoppable, she is a saint. I can't believe she married me.