As a woman very involved in the lifestyle scene (as opposed to the professional scene). Yeah, there's a lot of reasons people wind up into it, and what your friend describes is the cliche stereotype of the person who pays for pros, but a lot of the lifestylers are similar to a lesser degree.

And yeah it's not a given that you're even allowed to have sexual release in a kink event, and sometimes it has to be in a specific room. The sensations, the mind games, the role play, the pain, etc. is often the primary thing happening to the exclusion of other stuff. A surprising amount of bdsm events are just discussion groups and classes.

I suppose that's possible, but I feel like I've talked to a lot of people in the kink space who developed their particular interests from a young pre-pubescent age, before they were even really sexually aware. A shocking number of kinksters will tell you that they feel that their fascination came "preinstalled". 😅

A lot of people who lead a lot need to not be in that dynamic. People are very often sexually the opposite of their daytime personalities.

In my experience with kink communities, shame can really do a number on people's psychology. It feels like there are always two camps of people: the ones who simply learn to say "fuck it" and embrace their weird side, and those who really become very depressed and self-isolating because they're made to feel like an aberration. That level of internal conflict, where you spend your entire life fighting against your own (otherwise legally and ethically non-problematic) desires due to internalized shame is a dark and dangerous path.

And like... I get it. To an outsider, any kink that you don't have can definitely seem weird, gross, undesirable, etc. But then again, even vanilla sex acts can seem gross when you imagine other people doing them. Still, I think a lot of people in the kink space end up struggling with negative feelings about themselves.

Plus, there are a certain group of very puritanical and judgemental people who desperately want to describe (without any psychiatric qualifications) any behavior they don't understand as being "mental illness", but ironically, I think the most mentally healthy thing any kinky person can do is simply to accept and embrace their kink.

My message to any kinky people out there is to do whatever you can to accept yourself. Unless your kink involves something that is seriously dangerous to yourself and others, or otherwise legally or ethically dubious, then odds are that the best thing that you can do is just come to terms with being, as Rick James said, a "superfreak".

You know how sometimes if you put a superhero mask on and you feel goofier and/or more confident?

Now imagine you're an awkward shy person and/or neurodivergent and you spent a lot of growing up being an absolute gremlin or pomp inside your mind but having to forcibly behave like everybody else or be ridiculed. Behaving, paying active close attention to others and their reactions and movements, and acting appropriately... This is called masking.

Notice the similarities?

Now, apply cartoon personified animal characteristics to yourself while literally wearing a suit/whole outfit. What characteristics, you ask? The ones that you enjoy, feel the best, and you feel fit you the best.

That's oversimplified furries. They're party superheroes and it helps them be their chosen selves.

(I am not a furry. This is my impression and current level of understanding from an entirely outside perspective. If I'm wrong, please feel more than free to correct me, I'd love to know.)