Trigger Warning - Sexual Abuse

I was a year ago back when I have my first ever proper relationship. At first, I genuinely did love them and even confess having crush on them and just started out as friend with benefits, then later on decided to be boyfriends.

Eventually, I just felt it becomes kinda one-sided as they don't respect my boundaries, including when we are doing kink play like strangling me but when I want it to stop, (I tap them multiple times as that what both of us agree for it as 'Safe Action') they don't for me as they want to "push my limit." I often had to get their hands off my neck.

Naively, I thought they are just forgetful and I had to try remind them, which (unsurprisingly, looking back at it) didn't work. Somehow, I still love them despite feeling exhausted to be around them and that outside being sexually assaulted but I feel bad to leave them, mainly as I like to think of myself as a cheerleader of trying to make people close to me happy. They have been hatecrimed for being trans in both real life and on Twitter (and yes, I did tried to tell them to limit or even get off it which they refused to do).

I hate what they did to me where I feel scared of experimenting my sexuality and dating in general. It bugs me that I somehow attach douchebags which makes me feel there's something wrong with me but don't understand what have I done to deserve that sort of crowd.