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What does it feel like to be a horny man? (feddit.uk)

submitted 2 months ago by Perspectivist@feddit.uk to c/asklemmy@lemmy.world

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I bet this sounds like a stupid question - especially coming from a man. However, NoStupidQuestions doesn’t allow NSFW topics, so here I am - bear with me.

I genuinely don’t know what this feels like from the inside. I see so many men go to extreme lengths to chase women - sometimes even risking their careers or relationships just to get laid. Some are literally willing to pay for it. I don’t get it. What does that pull actually feel like?

I’m not judging - I’m trying to understand. I only know what it looks like from the outside, but I have no idea what it’s like on the inside. I’ve had sex multiple times, and it’s fine, but it seems vastly overrated to me. Clearly, I’m not getting out of it what most other men are, so I’m trying to understand the baseline experience.

My motivation for asking is that I’m working on myself and hoping that, eventually, I’ll be able to feel even a fraction of that same pull. However, with things like lifting weights, I at least have a clear image in mind of what I’m working toward - but it’s harder to define that when it comes to subjective experiences.

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[-] Perspectivist@feddit.uk 2 points 2 months ago

No, I kind of agree - in a way, it is a superpower. Not wanting something is as good as having it. The desire to have sex with someone doesn’t cloud my judgment. I don’t have to waste mental or physical energy chasing something that’ll just come around again anyway. I’m free to use that time and energy for other things, while still being able to enjoy romantic relationships and non-sexual intimacy.

The problem is that what I was told growing up - that women don’t really want sex and men have to beg for it - just hasn’t matched my experience. Women do want sex, and when you’re the one who doesn’t, it can really mess up your relationships. I know women like that exist, and I’d love to find one - but for whatever reason, I seem to attract the wrong kind.

[-] foggenbooty@lemmy.world 2 points 2 months ago

I think women more often have responsive sex drives like I mentioned earlier. This causes an imbalance where they are perceived to "not want sex" because they don't seek it at the rate men do. Mix that with social norms over the years where women's livelyhood was tied to men and it's natural they would bait men with it in some capacity. This is a broad generalization of course, but lines up with the anecdotes you heard growing up.

How often is too often for you? Once a day, week, month? Are you just out of your teens, young adult, or middle aged?

[-] Perspectivist@feddit.uk 2 points 2 months ago

I'm in my mid 30s. Even once a year is a chore for me. Every time I've had sex is because it's expected of me - not because I want it. I'd be perfectly fine not having sex ever again.

this post was submitted on 08 Oct 2025

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