Yeah I struggle with it myself. But I'll also say "hurt people hurt people" is usually used to refer to how many cruel and assertively abusive people have trauma, but it also works very well to describe how many trauma responses including sympathetic ones can damage those around you. I've been abused by someone whose entire tactic was about how damaged and traumatized she was and despite her constant lies, I do believe that her self image issues and inability to sit with her thoughts are real, even that she had a background of being abused, but she left behind a trail of hurt people that she'd latched onto as potential saviors. And the inability to handle someone being upset with them is one of the really damaging things about these people, as enforcing boundaries makes you into the villain.

Sorry if that was more trauma dump than helpful addition. I have feelings about all this