The post was about incenls and my comment was directed at incels. They're angry at the world and blame women for their situation. They are fucking losers.

My Asperger's has me masking hard most of the time. I play most interactions with people I find attractive or think that I might like to get to know casual neutral. That makes me completely non-threatening. It gives them a chance to get to know me and to feel comfortable with me. If they make a joke or say something that might be suggestive I respond at exactly the same level then offer them an out. If they don't take the out and escalate I match their escalation then offer them an out again.

The doctor who diagnosed me did so backhandedly. I was a twofer when he diagnosed my daughter. He told me something that has really served me well. He said, "Introduce yourself. 'Hi, my name is [insert name] and I have Asperger's. That means that I experience and express emotions and interpret expressions of emotions differently than other people. I don't understand subtle social clues. I don't understand hints or suggestions. Just telling me that you like something or want something or dislike something or don't want something is compeltey ok, welcome, and encouraged. If you ask me for something or to do something and i say, "no" it won't upset or embarass me and it shouldn't you. It is safe to tell me what you are thinking and feeling because I have no idea and I want to know. I mask really hard so I may seem cold, disinterested, or thick. You just need to get past the mask. You need to let me know directly that it's ok for me to open up or to do something.'" There's more to it than that. I typically break it up into sections. I stop the first section at hints and suggestions and it's ok and safe to be direct. If they ask a follow-up question I answer with the next part.

I had cancer last year. I got to know the part-time pharmacist at my local pharmacy very well. She has gotten past my mask. I'm going out with her and her 10 year old daughter on Friday to Starbucks to play Minecraft. I played Minecraft when I was getting and recovering from chemo and told her that. She told her daughter who also plays Minecraft. The daughter asked if she could play with my realm and we agreed. I suggested Starbucks and she accepted. We're now texting quite regularly. I like her. She's pretty and smart and funny and has GREAT comedic timing. I'm going to play Minecraft with her daughter while getting to know her. I told her she needed the "Hi, I"m [insert name] and I have Asperger's" introduction. I'll give it to her. Worst case scenario I get a couple of hours of fun playing Minecraft. Best case scenario she asks for more information and we become friends. There are ethical issues involved because she is a professional. The ethical issues are for the treating pharmacist which she isn't and they are based on a perceived power imbalance. There is no power imbalance between us. It is ok with me if she wants more and we can work through the discussion. If not, that's ok too. I like her and will stay friendy.

You could try the same thing. Tell them that you have anxiety and that you tend to back away. Tell them that if that happens they can push a little. Give them the information and permission to persist and see what happens.

I've been living with Asperger's for almost 60 years. This works for me. It might work for you.