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this post was submitted on 24 Aug 2025
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Asklemmy
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hm, no - I don't think it works that way for me, anyway.
My deadname felt very much like "me" and I lived as the wrong gender for decades, so one of the ways I adapted to that was to implicitly think about my deadname as not a man's name, so when I met other guys with the name I had this horrible feeling like they shouldn't have my name, and that's not what I'm like, and so on.
When I transitioned and took a different name, the deadname within a few months started to lose its gender-neutral sense for me, and it's like the name went back to being a male name without that dissonant feeling - which led me to mostly feel repulsed that I ever went by that name. It feels so wrong that I was ever called that, and so when I see or meet people with my deadname it's mostly just a reminder of those feelings - that I went through this awful experience, but also that I'm so relieved I'm not that anymore (a kind of affirmation, in a way).
Is that what it's like to meet someone with your ex's name?