NOT EASY

I have the bad kind of sleep problem: It takes me a long time to fall asleep. But also, most nights I do not stay asleep.

It really sucks. I have tried all the things that supposedly help: consistent bed/wake time, no naps, get out of bed if I can't sleep, no activity in bed except sleep/sex, etc and it doesn't really make a big difference.

All drugs and supplements to help with sleep have serious side effects or are ineffective.

The most effective option with the least side effects I've found for me so far is low dose melatonin (like 0.5 - 1 mg). But like most things that help me fall asleep, it doesn't help keep me asleep and when I use it, I pay for it the next day, almost to the point where it makes me wonder if it was worth it.

The prescription drugs I've tried were pretty wild. Ambien and its relatives are marginally effective, but give me an almost euphoric feeling and stop me from dreaming at all, and then they make me feel like a zombie the next day. One time I tried a different class of sleep drug (unfortunately I don't recall the name right now) and it caused me to have waking hallucinations (like hornets in my bed and conversations with my pets) on top of making me feel like a zombie the next day.

I wanna be one of those people who say shit like "I can sleep when I'm dead" but I have to wonder if those types of people actually know what sleep deprivation feels like and what it does to my psyche.