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Any other neurospicy people get this?
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this post was submitted on 03 Aug 2025
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Autism
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100%. Funny, I made a different comment in this thread to that effect, regarding the difference between running a party (thus having a clear role) and attending a party (thus having no clue what to do.)
I enjoy board game parties and meetups, because they provide structure to the event. I go in and I know what I'm going to be doing. I also know there will be breaks between events as people finish one game and begin another, which is a perfect time to stand up and go, "This was fun, but I've gotta get going," if I feel that I need to. No explanation or excuse needed.
I function surprisingly well at socializing at work. It's a place I know my role, I know the rules, and I know the extent to which I can relax and be myself. People can even see the real me peek out when I'm able to notice and keep on top of things that others miss. It's part of the "role" I have at work, and it's satisfying that for once my attention to detail is able to be an asset (instead of just another thing that feeds my ADHD.)
At family parties, I have been "the babysitter" ever since my oldest cousin had her first kid, when I was a teenager. The future-MAGA aunts and uncles were mere Bush Jr fans at the time. The toxic spew they unleash was always around, they just spewed it onto family and friends instead of on the internet. My cousin had her first kid at the perfect time. The little one became a toddler just as I was finding myself and my values. I was eager to do something at family parties besides sit quietly around terrible people and attempt to repress my anger. But looking after and entertaining a little kid? Heck yeah. I just do what my inner-child says to do (after my inner-adult safety checks it, of course.) Let's go blow some bubbles and search for rocks that look like hearts. I'll teach you about the bugs we find and show you how to draw a pumpkin.
Okay, I think my ADHD got ahead of me again, but my point is: yes. Having rules and structure (either provided by others or self-designated) goes a long way toward making social situations tolerable for me.