Hi Dad, this is hard for me to say, & I know it might be hard for you to hear, but I hate myself. I don’t like the person I’ve grown into

I don't know if you learned it from me or your mother, but with this one sentence you're exhibiting one of the most important parts about being a good man: Introspection.

Without this, someone might take another 20 or 30 years to arrive at this same place after making an absolute mess of their lives, yet here you are now knowing something is wrong and being brave enough to say it out loud. If nothing else, know that whatever else is going on you did this, and you have this as part of your character. Be proud of that, as I am of you.

On paper I am doing well but I don’t feel that way. I tried to do everything right but I still can’t shake the hate I have for myself.

Who wrote the metaphorical "paper" you're looking at? It might have been me when I told you what was important. It might have been society. Keep in mind, none of us know for sure. We do the best with what we have and we make mistakes. Sometimes society does it not for your own good but for its. Take a hard look at that "paper" and see for yourself if the things I told you were important are actually important to you. Cross out the things that don't matter to you. Write in the things on your own that do matter to you. Now, how different is the "paper"? How far off are you right now from what your new version of the "paper" says? That could be a path to your own personal fulfillment.

For me, when things get hard, I now stall & I hate that about myself. I guess I’m reaching out because I want to understand how you’ve kept going. How have you always gotten up when you’ve felt miserable.

I've been there too, certainly! In this I think we're each a little different, so I am happy to share what works for me, but don't get discouraged if it isn't what motivates you. What we start with is some wisdom of the ancients. In ancient Greece on the temple of Apollo was inscribed a saying "Gnothi seauton": Know thyself

This is perhaps the most important thing in your entire life. You need to know who you are, what your goals are, what trips you up, what drives you, etc. The more you know the more you can create situations for yourself to be successful (in however you yourself define success). A simple example would be, if you know you have a problem with alcohol, you simply never allow yourself to consume it. More nuanced are measuring your appetites or levels of patience and know when you're getting close to your limits.

Lets take the example you gave where "things get hard and you give up" of what I do in that situation knowing myself . Your doing your thing, moving forward, with regular progress and speed. Suddenly you hit a hard part! You push with all your might at the same speed you were before and can't move forward.

• First, I recognize the same speed and things I was doing before don't work for this part. I forgive myself. I don't get discouraged. It's okay, we've got other tools in the toolbox.
• Second, I'll take a step back and look at this hard part. What I want to do is break it down into smaller pieces. Still too hard? Break it down further. Keep doing that until you've got small enough pieces that you can start taking a step forward again.
• Third, recognize that you may need help. No man is an island, and the best of us know when to shoot up a flair and reach out to those around us that can help.

How have you always gotten up when you’ve felt miserable.

For me, I know that if I exhaust my patience on something, I need to do something I enjoy for a short period, and I can recharge my attention/patience for a few more minutes. So for some things I go back and forth at 10 or 15 minute intervals. The work, the play, the work, the play. Does it mean the task takes longer? Absolutely. At the end of the day do I still make forward progress on the task? I do. The alternative is I keep trying to force myself with zero attention/patience left and never get anything done on it at the end of the day. I know this. I've seen me do it. Again, this is me. I don't know if your plumbing is the same as mine, so make a study of yourself and "know thyself" and what you need to do for you.

Lastly, part of reaching out for help may be medical. We're just walking bags of water and chemicals. We're not built perfect and lots of things can throw us out of balance temporarily or even permanently. Don't dismiss that your chemicals could be off. This could be something like an organ misbehavior like a thyroid issue or even brain chemistry. Some things are impossible to address by yourself. There's no shame in reaching out, and in fact its strength.

I hope this helps you.

I feel like you gave me so much potential & I’ve squandered it.

Don't mistake what "potential" is. Potential are pathways you can take. I gave you as many as I could because I didn't and couldn't know which ones you would want to take. Many are mutually exclusive. As a parent, we give you weapons and armor to go out as an adult and battle "life". You received a two handed sword as well as a spear. You literally cannot use both, but I wanted you to decide which one was right for you. Following one means abandoning the other. I knew that going it, and am not upset at things you didn't choose to do. I just hope I gave you enough, and from how you talk of it, I think I did, so thank you, son. Part of you being you is choosing which of the potentials you have available to you that you select and move forward with. I have zero expectation you're going to use them all, its physically impossible so don't think you had to!

Know that whatever path you take, I'll always love you. What will always make me proud is seeing you make your choices and turning into the man that you are today and the one you will be tomorrow.