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What did "that one" person do to you which made you cut them out of your life? (lemm.ee)

submitted 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) by shackleford@lemm.ee to c/asklemmy@lemmy.world

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Or, alternatively, what did you do to another person which got you blacklisted from their life?

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[-] MuThyme@lemmy.world 56 points 1 year ago

A girl I had been seeing for years, and thought I loved more than anything. After a lot of really intense drama that I honestly didn't think I'd survive, and the following analysis with a psychologist, I realised she'd been emotional manipulating me for a very long time.

When I finally cut her out, things just became so much better. I've learnt what a truely kind and loving person can be like, and what it's like to not walk on eggshells or have constant anxiety. So many seemingly innocent comments that in hindsight were insanely toxic controlling statements. It's been incredible to feel free.

[-] hazeebabee@slrpnk.net 15 points 1 year ago

Im glad you recognized the manipulation & got her out of your life. Emotional manipulation can be so hard to spot.

[-] MuThyme@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago

It's honestly one of those things I'll never stop doubting, there's a strong voice somewhere in my head telling me I'm wrong and being selfish.

Thankfully I've had enough therapy to know better, but that kind of manipulation really does have a good way of convincing you it's not there.

[-] rob_t_firefly@lemmy.world 12 points 1 year ago

You're not alone in having this sort of story.

Speaking as someone else who survived an emotionally abusive relationship years ago (with gaslighting so successful that I had to start secretly recording our conversations on my phone to make sure they really happened the way I remembered and not the different story she would tell me later), successfully cut my ex out of my life and worked on myself, and am now happily in a truly wonderful and healthy marriage to an amazing person, congratulations on getting out.

[-] MuThyme@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago

I'm so damn happy to hear it worked out for you, that really gives me hope

[-] rob_t_firefly@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago

It's an ongoing process. Therapy helps, as does a truly understanding partner.

When I started dating again, my past crappy experience ended up contributing to my now-wife and I hitting it off so well:

We both happened to have been through Some Shit before as these things go.
We shared understanding and sympathy about what it's like to be manipulated and treated poorly by toxic people.
We were both confident about what we were and were not interested in, and were comfortable asserting ourselves about our own needs as well as listening and accommodating one another's.
We were also both living independently and staying afloat on our own, so if our dating didn't work out ending the relationship wouldn't have cost either of us our home/job/etc. (In my abusive situation this had not been the case.)

this post was submitted on 28 Jul 2023

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