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submitted 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago) by TwoBeeSan@lemmy.world to c/lgbtq_plus

Hello!

Making this post to check in on other asexual spectrum people. Curious how attraction works for you?

Recently discovered the term "side" and feel that fits well. Always felt obligated for penetrative sex, liked servicing but awkward when things done to me.

Been with men and women. Recently with someone could not be more my type but could not perform. Twice. Wanted to (or so I thought) but it was wanting to be a people pleaser.

When it clicked. Dont like sex. Enjoy things around it, watching partner reactions,kissing, cuddling, performing oral, but actual? It feels like pulling teeth.

Searched and searched and this seems to be a hard Google. 🤷

What prompted me to make this post.

Asexual people what has been your journey of self acceptance? How does attraction works for you? How have partners been about understanding it?

Thanks for the responses.

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[-] FoxyFerengi@lemm.ee 10 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago)

My journey is probably triggering for most people.

tap for triggering materialI am the only ace person I've known who was suicidal after sex before ever being raped. Even afterwards, suicidal ideation was my norm, so I didn't think anything was different about me.

It took several breakups because I "don't initiate", and a more easily searched internet, for me to come across AVEN and realize my sexuality. I have tried dating since, but I have to say it's hard given my age and location, plus aversion to sex. I have largely given up since last year, after meeting a couple people on an ace site

I very much hate the term "attracted to intelligence". But if I were to find a common thread in the people I have dated long term, that is it. I am agender, but won't call myself any gendered form of romantic because I am not attracted to people who consider themselves feminine. It's annoying, because they are the people I usually get along with the most lol

this post was submitted on 25 May 2025
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