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I cheated. Wife forgave me. How to reearn trust?
(sopuli.xyz)
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this post was submitted on 02 May 2025
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First, I'm sorry you had to experience this - it's one of the lowest lows available, and while I may wax poetic about getting on the other side of stuff like this, that doesn't make it a less shitty place to be.
If you need more time, take that time and do so without any sense of guilt. A month really isn't that long. I do think it would be worth having a thorough discussion about that, ideally in a safe space like a counselor's office. The question that I would want to ask is "When you say that you have grown, what exactly do you mean? I don't see what you are talking about when you say that." Talk about what you're seeing re: her actions at this stage, and how that meshes up with her saying she has grown and is doing the self-work she needs to do. Think about what actions you need to see to continue with this, and tell her explicitly. Ask her anything else you feel you need to know at this point - personally, if you need more time I'd explicitly say it will not make a difference re: you taking more time, as it may encourage more honesty in the answers.
After having the discussion, taking more time, and revisiting, you may find she's taking actions that you need to see. You may not. You may find she's taking actions, but not enough to actually make you feel like you can continue. You may feel it doesn't actually make a difference to you. If that's the case, it is worth considering what you want out of your life and relationships, and if she actually fits into that. Sometimes the best thing really is to go your separate ways - there's some kinds of growth that's best accomplished as a single person.
Best of luck - if you want to talk more about this or need an ear, please feel free to shoot me a PM. I'm not always quick to respond, but I will respond. One of the most painful things about this experience is how fucking lonely it can be. If you have good friends in meatspace, lean on them, but I also know can be a bit taboo to talk openly about the feelings that come up depending on your friend dynamic.
Hang in there. Together or apart, it can get better. It may take much longer than you'd like, but better nonetheless.