This is a swashbuckling superhero comedy scfi adventure.
Inspiration: The Tick, Megaton Man, Any other superhero parody
In this world:
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Superheroes are ridiculous buffoons with quirky powers (Cactus Man, Ice Cream Sundae Avenger, Papercut Pete)
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Villains are equally as silly and generally pathetic (Taking over the local Sears, turning everyone into teddy bears, writing their name on the moon)
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Whenever a hero or villian does something they succeed, it's not exactly how they intend it to succeed (Papercute Pete tries giving a henchman a papercut to drop their weapon, but the henchman instead becomes a blubbering mess because he can't stand even the smallest amount of blood)
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The world is incredibly fragile, buildings topple when barely impacted, cars crumple at the slightest touch, things break in spectacular fashion, natural and man-made disasters occur frequently and with devastating force.
You are a team of stupid superheroes seeking to stop The Big Squeeker from turning the city into squeaky pet toys. Already many citizens and the local police have been turned into various squeaky toys, squeaking incessantly, driving everyone batty.
Right now, the team is fighting a giant squeaky robot that is knocking over buildings and causing havoc downtown.
If you can defeat the robot it will reveal the location of the squeaky ray which is transforming the citizens into squeaky toys.
Character Creation:
- What weird power do you have that nobody else can do?
- What is your biggest fear?
- What crippling flaw do you have?
- What do people call you?
- What do you look like?
To accomplish an action:
Roll the dice and tell me a reason why you succeed, for each acceptable reason I'll add one to your result. If you can come up with 3 or more acceptable reasons, you succeed automatically. Otherwise, roll a D6 and add 1 for each acceptable reason.
- 6 or more: You succeed cleanly.
- 5: You succeed at a steep cost.
- 4 or less: You fail and things go badly for you.
Failure: Each failed roll you'll take a condition. Each condition weakens future rolls by one.
To Roll: Use the free dice roller by /u/starlord@lemm.ee linked here: https://tinyurl.com/everypostroll
Be sure to add your character's name and the action they are taking in the roll dialogue. Then copy the link generated to your post. For each roll copy the roll of the person who last rolled, so we can keep our rolls in the same history together.
"Great start to the day. Squeaky is out with his toys again, and of course, they're still made of rubber! It's not enough that he doesn't use battery powered toys, his super power has to be to make toys basically immune to electricity! Honestly, it feels like the universe is playing with me! There's sparking power cables, but where does that get me? Yeah, you know it, I know it. It ends with me stuck to the side of a giant squeaky toy. Static is a bitch! Things are so bad, I'm even talking to myself! Squeeky couldn't even send a hench man I could banter with, instead, I'm talking to myself, whilst a big robot (A robot of all things, but a rubber one!) lumbers around, not understanding a word I'm saying.
Fine... Fine... I'll climb the damned robot..."
I run over to the sparking cables and grab hold. My hair instantly stands on end, and I swear, realising I've forgot to pull down my goggles again, so I'm half blinded by my own glare. I pull the goggles down, and dart amongst the cars, sucking up from their batteries as I go, trying to dodge stray bullets from the cop I saw earlier. I think to myself, for the 100th time, this would be so much easier if I could actually zap people or something with all of this charge, but nope, spiky haired human cling wrap is the peak! For that matter, this would be so much easier if I wasn't own my own! Hey, but at least no one is going to see me retching, stuck to a giant rubber robots backside!
Waiting until the robot steps past me, I climb up on a car roof and jump, pushing myself towards the robot, hoping that I stick, but hoping I don't as well. I hate this part so much! But this is going to work right? A quick pulse of power in to the car I'm standing on to give me a bit of repulsive push, and a rubber toy almost designed to attract static charge! What could go wrong? And if I only had a clue of what I'm going to do once I'm stuck to the robot. Well, aside from throwing up!
Reasons I'm going to succeed: Rubber toy, static woman. Bonus boost the car battery
Alas, I can't post a link to my roll because the URL is so long, it breaks the lemmy character limit!
@chetradley@lemm.ee
Edit - I have saved the URL if you have a way for me to get it to you.
And here's a screenshot of the roll
She's running straight for it, I have to help h-- where did the sun go? I look up, up and up at the monstrous squeaking robot lumbering towards me. My heart drops into my stomach, splashing a bitter taste up into my mouth. On second thought, she seems quite capable!
"Scraw! (Isa, my friend, the land-walkers require our aid. Please help me scout the area)", I shout nervously as I survey the scene. I've done this a hundred times before, but never like this. A police officer darts past me as his car is hit by a beam of light. In a flash it balloons into a puffy semblance of itself, releasing a deafening squeak. I dodge a stray bullet only to be hit on the shoulder by a glob of pigeon crap. This is chaos.
I can do this. I note the overturned snack cart, swarming with birds. I look over to see the officer dive into a subway station. That's it!
I race to the overturned cart, scooping up a couple of bags of chips - salt and vinegar...not ideal but I'll take what I can get. I squeeze both bags open, arming them like salty grenades. The unwrapped food is mostly picked over at this point, this just might work.
"Coo! (Noble brethren, the feast commences)", I shout as I launch the bags into a nearby alleyway. The bags hit the ground and chips spray everywhere. Hopefully this can buy me enough time.
"Everyone, quick, in here!" I yell to the crowd, motioning to the subway station. "Caw! (Isa, what do you see?)"
Rolling to get the crowd to safety. Modifiers: Isabella scouting above, talking to the pigeons, throwing food.
Result: 6.
Those are acceptable reasons, automatic success. But, let me determine if your reasons will modify your roll next time ;)
From high above Isabella glides over the broad avenue. She sees the street continuing on for several blocks, and then ending as the street reaches the waterfront with it's many ships. With a loud, exultant melodic chirping she relays the information to you.
Meanwhile, the pigeons spot the salty foodstuffs and divebomb their way into the alley, the citizens granted a momentary reprieve enough to flee towards the subway entrance. At the top of the steps the first of the crowd slips from the residual discharge on their shoes, causing the whole crowd to tumble downward like pigeon-shit covered dominoes, they ragdoll down the stairs in a churning mass of confusion.
During all of this you see a strange woman with crazy, electrified hair and a shabbily designed black and yellow cosume fling herself upwards onto the thigh of the robot. She clings to the robot's thigh, affixed to it like a static-y balloon to a shaggy carpet. The robot lumbers forward and then realizing his newly acquired hitchhiker begins to hop on one leg and use it's foot to unsuccessfully brush the woman off of his thigh. As the robot does this, the woman vomits from above, slicking the street below with her sickness and attracting some of the pigeons to start eating it as it lands. The street becomes slick with her continued vomiting, causing the robot to lose balance and spinning into a nearby building, shattering windows and raining bricks across the avenue. A brick whirs wildly, narrowly missing your head and crashing into a car window.
The robot continues to lumber forward, madly trying to shake the unwanted passenger off of it's leg. Overturning cars and smashing into a nearby fire-hydrant, causing water to gush upwards in a torrent.
What do you do?!
/OOC - I'll put Wattage Woman's reply here as well, just so the thread is easier to follow for folks after it's all over. /OOC
"I told you I hate this right? I was upfront about that..." I yell to the universe, glad that no one can hear me. Or maybe hoping that no one can hear me...
I try to lift my hand from the robot for a moment, to clear some of the vomit out of my hair, but it's not happening. I'm stuck to this disgusting thing. Have you ever had that thing where you get car sick, and you throw up everywhere, but then you can't get out of the car just yet, because you're on a freeway? Or is that just me? Anyway, this is like that, but worse, because the car is a roller coaster, and the doors are locked! Wait, roller coasters don't have doors, so the car is a roller coaster, and the coaster won't stop. And it's covered in vomit.
My inner monologue is disrupted, as the world suddenly lurches around me, and I find myself smoothered between two rubbery layers. Static sandwich anyone? The foot slides off, and I'm still stuck, but now, the robot is spinning and twirling, and so am I! Bricks, glass, dust, vomit, bird shit and who knows what else is flying around me, but hey, I'm still stuck to the robot, so at least I've got that going for me!
Of course, it would have been nice to have a plan for what comes next. But, that's a problem for future Wattage Woman. For now though... What happens to a squeaky toy if I clog up the squeaker and it can't squeak anymore? Would that work? Maybe there are some giant dogs around that could come and chew this thing up? Though on second thought, maybe we skip the big dog. That sounds like a bad idea. We'll go with the "clog the squeaker" plan
Though now that I think about it, I don't actually know where the squeaker is on this thing? Is it the head? It's the butt isn't it? It's going to be the butt isn't it? Well, I guess at least that's closer than the head...
Action: I start inch worming my way up the robots leg, towards the butt, hoping to see and reach the squeaker, looking something like a vomit covered caterpillar
Reasons it will succeed: Static woman, rubber robot.
@chetradley@lemm.ee
The accumulated filth cakes your hands in a putrid layer of puke and pigeon shit. You try and clamber upwards, but instead you slide sideways and wedge yourself in between the robot's crotch, each squeaky step grinding you between both of his thighs and further marinating you in the foul concoction you and the filthy fowl have collaborated upon. There is one upside of being crotch-side, you notice that each squeaky step the robot takes comes from it's positively charged posterior. Now if there were only some way you could disable it's ass-squeaker...
In your moments of reprieve from the onslaught of the robot's squeaky thighs, you briefly catch glances of an odd man in a bird outfit, wearing a Luchadore mask that looks like a colorful tropical parrot. He seems to be directing the panicked pedestrians while flapping his feathered arms like a deranged lunatic...
You catch him saying something, but from this high it's garbled, indistinct, but it sounds like: "I am zing twerk!"
In a peacock-like display, the Lucha parrot prances proudly, grabbing the robot's attention with his puffy display. The robot trundles after the man, leading it to the waterfront. As you are smashed repeatedly by the robot's jogging thighs, various debris begins to accumulate on you: wigs, wool socks, panty-house, until you are covered in the random accessories. Finally the robot reaches the edge of the waterfront, but stops short and in it's sudden halting action, falls forward, dislodging from it's crotch onto the street. You struggle to pick yourself upright. Then, with a great SQUEAK, the robot breaks an enormous wind, causing you to struggle from being blown away by the shock-wave....
You must take action and roll to keep from being blown down the street!
"Chirp! (Isabella, thank you! The people are hurt, please see if you can help them, I'll take care of this...thing)." My words betray my absolute panic.
Who is she? I wonder, pausing for a second to look up at the woman scaling the giant robot. She's so brave, and strong if she's able to hang on like that. My goodness, she even dumped soup on the ground to help me attract the pigeons away, what a great idea!
"Amazing work!" I call out to her. The idea that this could be interpreted as anything other than sincere praise does not dawn on me.
Now what are we going to do. What are...what are...water. Wait, that's it! I jump up on the nearest un-squeaky-toy-ified car.
"Why don't you pick on someone your own size!" Am I trying to get it to chase me, or bully Godzilla? Oh well, it sounded cool in my head.
I take off running towards the water.
Action: lure the robot to the pier.
Bonuses: The area is otherwise clear of people now (+1), I am wearing the brightest, most flamboyant outfit anyone has ever seen (+1).
I saw your note about bonuses, no worries, I'll just do the flat roll going forward, which I'll do right now...
Roll: 6 (yay!)
The robot sees you and squeaks rapidly in what can only be aggravated annoyance. It storms after you, not noticing the waterfront blocks away. Wattage Woman has slipped into it's crotch, and is now being smashed between it's rubbery thighs. You notice that various debris, wigs, a pair of panty-hose, wool socks are covering her from head to toe, you can feel why: a huge amount of static is emanating off of her, making even your feathers standup on end. After a couple of blocks she locks like a giant dust-bunny affixed to the robot's thigh.
The robot finally sees the waterfront and tries haphazardly to come to a stop, but skids forward and falls on it's knees. Wattage Woman falls to the ground a few feet from the kneeling robot, she looks like a large grape that has fallen into a couch crevice, her arms and legs sticking out from the debris she's acquired.
The robot SQUEAKS with tremendous force, creating a shock-wave outwards. You notice that the squeak erupts from the robot's backside, more specifically it's big rubber butt!
You must take action and roll to resist the blast from the robot breaking wind!
I jump into the water.
Can't think of a bonus to apply here ..
You run like hell for the harbor and take a flying leap aiming for the water, but just as you do the gust meets you above the water and blows you aboard a whaling ship, depositing you on the fore-deck. You land on your feet and skid to a halt right before the tip of a large harpoon gun mounted to the ship's deck.
When we're done here, I hope no one needs me again for at least a week, because it's going to take at least that long in the shower to get clean! Maybe more!
But wait, was that the bird guy? Maybe he can help! But it sounds like he can only speak bird! Hopefully he understands though, because I have an idea!
"Hey bird man" I yell, between brief moments of air as the robots thighs give me a chance to talk! But finally, it stops moving, and I fall free, with half of the city still attached to me. Taking the chance, I yell "Bird guy, I have an idea. Why don't we..." I shout to his disappearing back, as he jumps off of the end of the pier. And then it hits me, a huge blast of squeaky air.
I've got no chance to avoid it, and no chance to think, but you know what I do have! Mad pinball skills! (Ok, I don't really, but leave that part out of my memoir please). I shrink myself as small as possible, hiding deep in the ball of vomit, lint and hosiery as it lifts in to the air on the wave of sound and air! Now, if I can time this right, and use some of those smashed streetlights and cars, maybe I can use that momentum he's given me, but turn it around right back at him! Surely this ball of gunk will stuff his squeeker up if I can aim it right!
Of course, it would help if I wasn't starting off at high speed in exactly the wrong direction, with little to no experience at pinball.
Action: Try and use the charged ball of lint that I'm wrapped in, and bounce off of lights, cars, and whatever else I can charge to come right back at him!
Reasons I'll succeed: 1) I'm in a super charged ball of lint. 2) The robot has destroyed so many things, there are broken cars, water and downed lamp posts everywhere, giving me plenty of things to bounce off! 3) I REALLY REALLY want this shit off of me. Ok, that's not a real reason I'll succeed, but I really do want it off me!
Raw roll: 3
Wedged between the branches of the tree, you hear the parrot-guy call out to you,“Car blue oblay?", you see him hanging by a precariously by a rope over the side of a docked boat, surrounded by angry seagulls.
+2 for Supercharged ball of lint and lots of stuff to ricochet off of. Roll is a 5: you succeed at a steep cost.
You brace yourself against the shockwave and hurl yourself in the direction of the blast. You fly head-first into a nearby garbage bin, dumping it's contents out and smothering you with plastic bags, cans, banana peels, egg shells, coffee grounds and bags of what you are certain can only be dog shit. Sailing through the air, feeling like a miniature landfill, you bounce off of the side of a car, pirouette off of a the roof of a bus-stop covering and ping off a nearby light pole and into a tree. You are wedged in between the branches of the tree, to the untrained eye you now resemble a gigantic gumball that's rolled through the dirt, hair,candy, popcorn and spilled soda filth under the seats at the local movie theater. With great difficulty you struggle in your congealed refuse.
Did someone call to me...aaaah! I hit the deck of the ship and skid to a stop. A harpoon? Even if I knew how to use this thing, it'll take more than that to take this robot down. But what?
I look back to the street. Oh great she's gone. Or maybe I'm losing my mind. What to do... The masts of several ships jut up into the air, a rowdy group of seagulls still collecting themselves from the blast catch my eye.
"Squawk! (My friends, this squeaky menace threatens our city! Help me take it down!)"
"Piss off mate!" "Yeah, sounds like a you problem!" "I've seen fish that fly better than that!"
Not the answer I hoped for.
"Please! I may not have your aerial grace, or your quick wit, but I do have this." I produce a sweaty, crumpled $5 bill from the inside of my suit. "And when this is over, I'll use it to buy you all a bagel. Not a stale, discarded one, but a fresh, delicious, doughy testament to your glory!" I grab a spool of wire from the harpoon gun, light but hopefully strong enough. "Can you get the end of this around the robot and return it to me?"
I hope this works. And I hope that mystery woman comes back. Oh, and that I haven't just been imagining her this entire time!.
Bonuses: talking to the seagulls, the promise of a bagel.
Result: ah crap...
A gruff, one-eyed, one-legged seagull looks at you and the crumbled fiver with unreserved scorn. He caws loudly at the assembled seagulls on the railings and decks of nearby boats,"Hey guys, getta load of this schmoe treatin' us like we's a bunch of knuckle draggin' apes, wadda we gonna do wit that ass-wipe?! And you come 'round 'ere actin' like youse one-a us!! Get 'em boys, we don' need no polly poser on our territory, 'specially when they ain' got no food to gives us!
A huge mass of seagulls start furiously dive-bombing you, pecking at swiping at you with their feet. Dozens and dozens of angry gulls swarm about you, as you try and bat them away, your foot slips into a pile or rope left on the deck, tripping you, causing you to stumble overboard! The rope winds itself around you leg, preventing you from fulling into the harbor, but you know dangle helplessly from the side of the boat like a colorful pinata. The birds continue to swarm, taking turns carrying nearby trash and dropping it on you. You hang upside down, covered with egg shells, burger wrappers and half eaten corndogs.
Nearby the robot is struggling to get up, it slams it's fist on the ground angrily, like some sleep-deprived toddler throwing a tantrum. Just behind him, wedged into the branches of a tree and looking like a large dustbunny, is Wattage Woman, struggling to dislodge herself.
I call out to the woman stuck in the tree. "Are you ok?"
ada@lemmy.blahaj.zone
@wolfinthewoods@lemmy.ml @chetradley@lemm.ee
This is going to look great in my memoir. A plastic robot on all fours, mooning me as it clambers to get up. My, covered in half a rubbish truck full of shit and vomit, and the bird guy, hanging upside down, attacked by birds.
And what kind of super power is that anyway? The ability to get attacked by birds? But hey, who am I to talk? I can be attacked by dust bunnies on demand!
Ok Sparkie, stay focused! New plan! Get this shit off me, and help the bird guy. This is why I always carry empty batters with me!
I gather a handful of batteries, and dump all of my excess charge in to them, and chuck them at the robots butt
If this were a movie, the batteries would explode or something, but in reality the best I can hope for is some of the shit comes off of me and sticks to the batteries, letting me get free! If this were a super hero comedy, the battery, covered in shit, would get stuck in the robots butt! Lifes a joke right? Can this be a super hero comdey?
Action: I dump my excess charge in to a handful of batteries and throw them at the robots butt, hoping to plug it with gunk, free myself of some of the gunk at the same time, before trying to run towards bird guy!
Reasons it will succeed: I am carrying empty batteries for just this moment. The robot is on all fours on the ground, and I'm right behind it!
Roll: 4 before modifiers