Keeping thieves away by never cleaning the bike reminds me of the old bicycle touring strategy of hanging sweaty and unwashed clothes to dry from your handlebars when parked. Bonus theft deterrent!

Also, I technically do have an engineering degree, which is why the lights and wiring are, ahem, functional. Most of the time.

To be clear, having an engineering degree is cool – it's the very specific (but all too common) type of engineer that wants jerk off into his own mouth when he sees a Cybertruck and organically follows Elon Musk on Twitter, that is lame and has a lot of bad ideas, sometimes about "innovation" of bicycles.