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What's the deal with male loneliness?
(lemmy.world)
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this post was submitted on 04 Jan 2025
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I’ve thought about this a lot myself. I’m 12-15 friends/acquaintances down due to them deciding to step out of life in their twenties or thirties. On paper none of them seemed to be in too bad a way and yet…
There’s obviously the problem that having and discussing emotions is for girls and gays only (/s), but there must be more to it than that.
I think there’s an expectation (where I live) that men should be strong and stoic at all times - but, honestly, many of us are fragile little flowers, some of the time, but it’s seen (erroneously) as weakness.
In my experience most men are happy to talk about: “big screen tv’s, blunts, 40’s and bitches” to NSFW quote
Steve Berman
but they can’t open up about emotions and feelings.
Sorry for your loss.
Yes, I think of emotional talk as "showing weakness", because people around me gladly lash out at the exposed surface. Men and women do that, but it hurts more from women. They seem to be better at dealing emotional damage, or I'm just more receptive when it comes from them.
Also, talk about feelings needs to be handled, and can be handled very poorly. It also can seem demanding. "When I have my plate full of my own stuff I don't want to deal with yours", or similar mindsets when the tools to properly handle such a situation were just never acquired.
On the other hand talk about sportsball is a way to entertain oneself while giving the lizardbrain time to adapt to the people around it.
I think you’re correct that (some / many) people see the tiniest chink in your armour and go for the juggler (jugular vein - clown 🤡 joke) to compound your misery to make themselves feel/look “strong”.
And, yes, in abusive relationships I believe a husband is more likely to hurt and damage his wife with his fists whereas a wife would be more likely to hurt and damage her husband with words - generally speaking. It’s tragic either way…
I think most do it to be right. To win an argument or "prove" one is right.
I've seen more men being abusive in a nonviolent way than women. (Also in a violent way, but that's not the point I'm trying to make.) Women tend to be almost abusive, if that makes sense. Not being tangible for a statistic or something, but carving their way to their personal button they can push whenever they feel like it to make their spouse emotional in a way they can use. Can be something like "planned incompetence", a repeated phrase or problem, or anything really.
Men tend to be openly hostile more often, while women tend to cover their intentions more. Not saying this is exclusive to gender, but saying it's a tendency.