You're completely missing the point I'm making - it's nothing to do with how matchmaking works or how to get self-hosted servers to work.

Your quote about "every game before the mid 2000s" is just reinforcing what I'm trying to tell you: no modern PvP game can get away with it anymore.

The current average player who's played any modern PvP game in recent memory expects to be able to click a PLAY button that puts them into a match. That is your default user experience expectation.

If you require players to have to dig through a server list like people had to during the pre-mid-2000s, you lose players FAST.

You dilute your player base by allowing people to play in self-hosted servers because your default user experience of clicking PLAY and getting into a game gets worse (less players means less diversity of player skill and longer queue times).

For a game and studio that has no existing reputation and players who will jump on their stuff, you don't have the luxury of splitting your already potentially small player base.

Modern PvP games that allow you to have custom games are all well-established and already have a healthy player base.