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this post was submitted on 06 Nov 2024
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Probably an overshare, but I'm angry
My grandma is too far gone with the religion and political stuff, and I think it's time for me to stonewall her. She lives next door, which will make it a bit hard, but I don't want to put up with her bullshit anymore. During COVID, she got so into religion that she tells us we're going to hell for not believing. All day, everyday, she sits on her butt, watching YouTube videos about religion and people converting to her religion. She has not many friends, only goes to church and the supermarket, likes my aunt's dogs more than she likes her own grandchildren and refuses to put in any effort with my younger cousins because their mother chose to keep in contact with her cheating father after my grandma and him got divorced. She doesn't believe the priests or other clergy members could do anything wrong. Called Kamala a demon and said that she would make the US a communist country. And America will be saved, Trump is Christian yada yada yada. Absolutely no critical thinking skills whatsoever.Brutal. When they get that deep it's practically impossible to pull them out; they don't believe they need saving. My mum is the same, though non-denominational
Sorry to hear that Spud. That must suck, especially with a parent.
Eh I just meant more I get the feeling of dread lol, interacting with people like that is so exhausting, especially when it's a family member. If you can't go low/no contact or don't want to, then grey rocking is best. Don't engage with political or religious conversation with them, and if they start it, then change the subject and give very little info about your opinions away.
I'm sorry your Gran is deep in it, it hurts. Remember to look after yourself too, and put yourself first ๐
she sounds lonely and in need of guidance from someone as intelligent and kind as you
maybe you can share non political yts with her, like nature yts or something . Don't react to her provocations.
goons, I know you mean well and radical empathy is a thing, but no one makes the choice of stonewall or going NC without trying everything possible first. And I mean everything, including eating decades of shit.
Lol I feel this. Took me too long to go no contact with mum haha kids don't do it lightly and without much shame, guilt, and fear.
And I have empathy for my mum too, her life sucked so hard. But sometimes it's the only way to get healthy, to cut out the people that hurt us.
Hmm I feel like I haven't exhausted all of my options yet though. I shall try with the nature videos and hopefully that will do something. I just wish she was open to seeing a counsellor or something. She never got counselling or had someone to talk to about her divorce after it happened.
I know this situation well. She will not go to a counsellor, because she believes she is right and you and other non believers are wrong and influenced by evil. Put yourself in those shoes - would you listen to someone telling you to go to a counsellor to turn you against your righteous religion? (Rational person would not, but once beliefs get to this stage rationality has left the building). You will not change her mind. She will always view you with disdain. You have to accept this if you want to continue contact. Try to stay away from religious topics, but when inevitably she raises it you will need to brush it off and pretend she didnโt say hurtful things. This might be acceptable to you for the sake of maintaining a relationship. If itโs not, then the other option is to break contact. I know people mean well when saying try to empathise, but I have been in this situation and there is no solution that I know of. They will only come back if they decide it for themselves first. And very sadly, family is usually not enough of a motivator. The religious grip can be that strong.
Thank you for this
this isn't radical empathy, it's knowledge and expertise gained from decades of study and interacting with close family members who were in a very destructive religious cult, think scientology
the point is to not use words or ideas that set them off
Spud wrote it out very well, I'm just going the one further step. You can get them to change their mind, you have to talk about other things.
Thanks for the suggestion Seagoon :) I sent her some time lapses of plants growing. Hopefully she will like them.
so many hugs, it can be very sad to see this happen to family, it's like they have changed and become lost and relationships become very difficult