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You seem like a caring person, so perhaps this will help guide decision-making. When you make major decisions that deeply impact another person, or even just get real far in evaluating options and imagining outcomes, asking strangers, etc....when you do these things without communicating with the other person at all, the end result is you protecting yourself, not them. Even if it feels like you're carefully considering their interests.
No matter your intentions, if you're not communicating with them and letting them participate in big decisions that affect you both, you are not acting in their best interests. There are many times (like abuse) when that is 100% the right approach, but you need to be very clear eyed about that choice to remove the other person's agency. The way you're going about this protects you at their expense, and in this situation it sounds kind of cruel, rather than justified. I'm not judging you harshly, your intentions seem good, but you need to understand that this is not a loving way to treat an adult.