Man oh man, have I? Yessir.

I was about to close on a loan for a small farm. I had space for horses, chickens, cows, whatever I wanted. I was so excited, it was all I could think about. I had the deal of a lifetime on the table. The man who took care of me as a kid and raised me to understand technology, who bought me entire mountains of classic computers from school auctions and was there to guide me into DOS and then Linux, he was the neighbor. He was going to co-sign on the loan for me. All I had to do was move the fence a little bit for him and give him a piece of contested land that I had no interest in.

I took the kids, had them pick out their rooms. We were all very excited. We were dreaming of our lives there. The neighbors on either side were lifelong friends. It was a dream, seriously.

Right before closing on the loan I caught their mom with another man. My whole world turned upside down and I was scared to make a move.

The next three years were complete and total hell, my kids were traumatized. Everything just went downhill.

4 years after our split, she was dead from breast cancer, lung cancer, brain cancer, bone cancer.

Life is beautiful, but it can be ugly.

Part of me wonders if she lost it because she had cancer and we didn’t know it. Everything she did was so far from anything I ever dreamed could happen that I can’t help but wonder.

Still though. I’m in the best relationship I’ve ever been in, I have more children now and life goes on, just like it has for anyone who has ever had a hard time.

I’ll get there again eventually. I’m sure I will. If I don’t, I’ll be happy with what I have. No room for chickens. That’s fine with me.

Sorry for the book.