short answer: no. It happens, move on.

a bit longer answer: an elective operation with no immediate danger to a person's life like a heart operation is going to be postponed no matter what if more than one doctor calls in sick. It also happens if there are not enough anesthesiologists.

Why I'm asking this question. On my last post somebody wrote:

Nobody deserves to have their medical treatment withheld, even temporarily, even if it was an elective procedure.

My take: the person who wrote this and all of them who upvote him don't work in healthcare and have unrealistic expectations of what working in a hospital entails, don't consider the workload a nurse has to endure and how the general population's respect of nurses and doctors but specially nurses has tanked since covid.

Any heart operation is always more important than an elective one that can be safely postponed.

It's not only a respect issue, but a literacy one as well, as many patients and their family members come to us with really stupid questions and resent us when corrected: no, statins do not cause dementia, no, the pills your friend gave you so you don't have to inject yourself with insulin twice a day for the rest of your life so your diabetes doesn't spike are BS and are the reason why you feel tired and dizzy.

Nurses are no longer celebrated but considered as malicious agents with a hidden agenda, insulted and struck.

I wrote sick doctors, but in emergencies or mass casualty incidents several or all elective surgeries get canceled.

cross-posted from: https://linux.community/post/3626563

with people with good skills to defuse a tense situation at the workplace I mean everyone of you, because I suck at this and I'm sure anyone here is better than I am with this kind of stuff.

Tense situation is a karen yelling at one of my colleagues because her father's operation was postponed because I kid you not 4 doctors called in sick today. Rumor has it they're striking for better pay.

My instinctive response if someone starts behaving like a childish, snippy, entitled karen and acts passive-aggressively is to leave and ignore the person. In this case, the karen started ranting to my coworker, getting all snippy and wouldn't shut up. A rational conversation with people that irrational is impossible, so I kept doing my job, transferring a patient to another ward.

I never expected this colleague to tell me she felt let down because I didn't help her to deal with said karen. She said simply staying next to her would have sufficed. I told her I'd do that next time someone yells at her.

I consider myself lucky because I can leave to do my job but my colleague was trapped with this person.

My questions to you people with good social skills:

does it really help to simply stay next to my colleague, letting her do the talking while I do nothing but looking at the karen in the eye?

what if, each time the karen opens her mouth I repeat 'calm down' ad nauseam till she either tires, shuts up or walks away?

what do you say or do to support your coworkers while they're being verbally abused that somewhat defuses the situation?

what if avoiding conflict is a trait of mine to the point that I let people walk all over me?

how do you resist the urge to walk away? Situations like this trigger my fight or flight response.

what if I have to do this with a man and it gets physical? If somebody strikes me and I strike back, and I can guarantee you I'm striking back, I'm as guilty as the first aggressor.

cross-posted from: https://linux.community/post/3524630

former bed side nurse here on sick leave till the end of the month. I should start my new job away from patients with normal working hours on October 1st.

I feel drained, even though I eat and sleep well, the best I've slept in months, my circadian rhythm is that of a normal human being, I can cook, go shopping, I even play some hobbies now.

Nobody yells at me or makes passive aggressive or backhanded remarks for me to hear.

The 1st. of October is a week away and I don't believe I'll be a fully functioning human being by then, most probably I'll ask for a 2 week sick leave extension.

what worked for you to go back to your normal self?

cross-posted from: https://linux.community/post/3511467

I learned what non violent communication is a day ago and I'm using it to mend a friendship.

Have you however used it at the workplace?

I find it unpractical: there are so many things to do at the workplace and the last thing stressed people with deadlines need is to have a conversation about feelings, but maybe I'm wrong?

A question for nurses working bedside: do you actually use non violent communication at your ward with your patients and actually have time to do your other duties, like charting, preparing infusions and meds, dealing with providers, insurance, the alcoholic who fights you, the demented one who constantly tries to leave the unit, the one who wants to leave ama (against medical advice)?

cross-posted from: https://linux.community/post/3500461

it was bad, but we both agree we have to talk about it.

The conversation became a yelling match where neither listened to the other, we both started ranting about the other one and left the room.

It was, however, mostly my fault, something I want to acknowledge.

I was thinking about using pauses each time one feels offended or thinks is going to yell, so we both leave the room and calm down, pauses we can use to try to understand the other's point of view before resuming the conversation. We don't have to solve all our problems in one sitting, we could explain how we see a particular issue and if we don't see an immediate solution, sleep on it, meet on another day to keep talking about it. I've also heard about using a talking pillow and not forgetting is not me against her, but we against the problem, but other than that I have no idea what to do.

I also plan to tell her I find some things she does extremely unfair because this is not a one sided apology where I'm the only guilty party.

This is a conversation to clear the air, to be sincere and to see if we still want to be friends.

cross-posted from: https://linux.community/post/3497784

Example: several of my former coworkers are from Mexico, Peru and Argentina, meaning they share Spanish as a common language.

I used to practice Spanish with them, but my last charge (like a ward's manager) would yell at us to stop it, use English only. She would get very angry really fast if she heard anything in a language she didn't understand.

I find it stupid, because some of them would use Spanish to better explain to the new nurses how to do certain procedures, but maybe I'm missing something?

cross-posted from: https://linux.community/post/3455022

smart guys who avoid drama have this ability I lack: to do their job, even if it means working more than an established, well connected lazy group of people. Smart guys do their 30 minute pause and then keep working, even if the lazier ones have longer pauses.

Maybe you've accepted that life is unfair, or that a job is a job and while you're at the workplace and being paid, your employer can do with you what he wants, even if that means some of your coworkers have it easier than you and let you the most physically demanding tasks so they get the easy ones.

I am incapable of being like this:

Nursing is a physically demanding job and mentally draining as well: an even larger number of patients will complain about everything and are convinced you're there to be their private therapist for 2 hours, forgetting I have other patients, patients are nowadays fatter with more comorbidities, they sometimes fight you, the one with dementia wants to get up and leave the ward, even if he's there because he fell at home and broke his orbita, they question you, they blame you for things you cannot control or don't decide, they verbally abuse you, they sometimes don't speak English...

If I ignore the lazy ones, pause for 30 minutes and then work chances are I'll be calling in sick the next day, because I work till my back and legs ache, it is simply not sustainable. I'm the one walking the ward side to side.

Furthermore, I don't know if you understand how draining and frustrating is to see a group of people who are well connected and know they cannot be fired to play on their phones while you, the new guy there, are held to a different standard and are expected to work, physically, continuously, bar that 30 minute pause.

That's why to me this is personal: the more they lazy around the more I have to work, the more back pain I get, the more frustrated I get, the more I hate it there.

You may successfully separate the people from the job and care more about the job than the people there, but I cannot get pass this, and I don't feel I'm in the wrong.

Maybe I'm entitled? Am I wrong? AITA?

cross-posted from: https://linux.community/post/3420358

as said previously I'm a nurse, which means the overwhelming majority of employees are women. Gossiping, being unauthentic, cattiness and passive aggressiveness is a daily occurrence.

My current unit: there are 2 men that seem to be completely stoic (I don't know what word would describe them better): they ignore drama and jabs, even if directed at them, they are punctual with their pauses, I mean really, 30 minutes and that's it, and can ignore when other coworkers lazy around, even if it means they have to be the ones doing most of the work, extra work they don't receive any extra money or recognition for.

I am writing in awe, because as much as I'd like to be this thick skinned, I am not. The feeling of being treated unfairly rubs me the wrong way really fast. My strategy so far has been to lazy around so much as my direct coworkers, even if they're part of an established group at the ward I don't belong to. They're the ones supposed to be showing me around and teach me. If they don't work, why should I?

I believe this is a trait of mine, something nearly impossible to change, it would make more sense to change the setting than trying to change me, to change jobs. I don't know how to play this game where I am, in a workplace where most employees are women.

But my question remains to all of you who are this thick skinned: how? I don't understand it. Don't you find it tiring? Doesn't it make you feel like shit when you go back home? Don't you feel taken advantage of?

cross-posted from: https://linux.community/post/3415577

context: I'm a nurse with several years of job experience in several units.

I've always seen that in each unit there is a group who somehow are the 'alphas' in the unit and can make your life hell if you cross any of them, the kind of people a careerist would give attention and flatter if he wanted to climb the job ladder. I'm calling them alphas not because they're the best academically, but the best organized with the best contacts, the ones who due to these contacts get to decide who gets promoted (friends) or ignored. And management trusts them because they keep shit working.

Where I am now this on practice means they get to enjoy a one hour pause while I do a 30 minute one.

I guess some of you would tell me now to pick my battles, not to be jealous, to do my job and go home and accept I'm employed... but it's not a nice feeling. This has happened in every workplace I've been. People are tribal, sadly. This is also why I'm leaving the bedside, but people are tribal everywhere, so I'm sure I'm gonna find this everywhere I go, right?

It's sad if I want to escape this I have to feed attention to people, to fake being something else, or have you found a better way?

As said in other posts, I'm an introverted so this would be another reason to find a job where I work alone?

cross-posted from: https://linux.community/post/3389091

or to keep the peace, maybe you think it's not a big deal but your partner, friend, coworker, parent feels otherwise.

Do you apologize just to validate him?

I always though if I don't feel bad about it, fuck it, I'm not apologizing, deal with it. It's not my fault you're so thin skinned. Grow up.

Now I'm thinking I should be more empathetic and apologize, just to make the aggravated person feel validated, even though I don't feel bad (or that bad).

This gets more complicated because many times coworkers feel offended because I don't share my personal life with them or I'm so concentrated on my job that I don't notice them. Do I apologize for not noticing them?

cross-posted from: https://linux.community/post/3368394

and how do you deflect prying questions about you and limit these rituals to 2 minutes instead of wasting 30 minutes?

asking as somebody who, if not on the spectrum, is socially awkward, likes solitude, boundaries and to be left alone (to do the job)

I still believe none of your answers is going to help me because neurotypical solutions don't work for me but I have nothing to lose with this question.

cross-posted from: https://linux.community/post/3355635

long post

I'm reading "A Field Guide to Earthlings, An autistic Asperger view of neurotypical behavior" by Ian Ford, one of the final patterns: Why you will generally lose.

If you scroll back my history you'll find some posts where most of you believe I am on the spectrum.

I haven’t been diagnosed: Where I am it is extremely difficult to find a decent psychiatrist to do a test that would be several days long, are several miles away and have long waiting lists, but I do believe am on the spectrum. It's like the book I'm reading describes me. I really don't get neurotypicals and why won't they leave me alone, specially when I do leave them alone.

Back to the book: "Even if we could give up our strengths and go to the basest level of NTs in some areas (for example, abandoning our love of accuracy), that would still not enable us to adopt their strengths, such as sensory integration, and we probably would not be able to memorize their constantly-changing culture. So in that sense it is hopeless."

This is me. I love accuracy and I find NTs illogical, emotional and sometimes backstabbing, lacking authenticity. I like authenticity. It's also very tiring having to constantly guess what the person I talk to is going to understand of my message: the message itself or some odd interpretation of it that somehow attacks his self esteem. So tiring.

I've been accused behind my back of being manipulative, uncaring, rude, and also a sociopath. Once this impression is given, it is impossible to make people change their minds, including management. I usually don't fight it because, really, fighting gossip? that's sticking to 5 year old level politics and what's the point? The book I mentioned says enemies who don't fight will lose, but it's so tiring fighting every stupid thing (most of?) my coworkers think I am.

I don't know.

Then there is how most society constructs us: as people who WILLINGLY decide to want to be left alone and act antisocial, who feel above everyone else who NEED to be either ignored or must be molded to fit in, even if that's something they don't want, because that's what's good for them, just because that’s the extroverted neurotypical norm. They don't see introversion and solitude as self caring, but as depression, being an ass and being antisocial.

I'm living exactly this at the workplace and I hate it: I'm seen as robotic for doing exactly the same thing others do, but because they talk about inane stuff with management, they are automatically better than me. They never see me as solution oriented, eager to learn or concentrated on doing the task at hand. I'm always the odd one that lacks potential.

"If it is a setting where people are trying to be live up to high moral standards, you might just be the target of rumors; in groups with lower standards, the eviction or shunning could be more open and forceful. In either case, you lose."

yup. I always lose.

If you're a neurotypical and now you suggest this is my fault, I'm overreacting, it's not so difficult to do small talk, if I can YOU must can, and I have to fake being an extroverted ass, get bent. Would you change your whole personality just because society dictates you must? Could you live with yourself?

But, if conforming to a neurotypical extroverted model is out of the question, how do I live the rest of my life?

I don't mean the question as a financial one: I'm a RN quitting bedside who applied and got a job moving oxygen dependent patients that require monitoring between wards, so at least I'm not unemployed, don't have to deal with entitled patients complaining about cold coffee, not good looking cushions, lack of tv, what’s good to have sex with women… I've been promised uninterrupted 30 minute pauses and no night shifts. Hope it’s not a case of the grass is greener...

It's about what to think about society, because I always expected people to mind their business and leave me alone (because I leave them alone, I don't bother them), I never expected them to be this hostile.

My logical step now would be to become a misanthrope, but I don't know if that would be good or bad. It's not like I have a high opinion of mankind anyways.